Dressed for my Oscar partyWhat do I love more than Flyers basketball? This year, a lot of things. But every year the answer is movies. I love everything about the movies, especially the Oscars (albeit the show is pretty lame most years). It gives us normal people a chance to not only be jealous of celebrities and their millions of dollars, but they get a kick ass statue that they if they were smart, gets put on their mantle above a fireplace. The closest thing I have to an Oscar is a World's Best Brother trophy that my sisters got me one Christmas (it was a lifetime achievement award).
When I emailed the editor of this blog to tell him that I wanted to do an Oscar preview, O'Brien emailed back and said, "Sure, just tie it to Dayton basketball somehow." I decided to take each of the 10 Best Picture nominations and compare them to a player/coach on this year's team. So here you go, folks. This year's Oscar Bonanza, Dayton Flyers style.
But before we go, here are my acting/directing predictions:
Best Actor: Who should win? George Clooney (Up in the Air). Who will win? Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart). I loved Up in the Air(more on this later) and Clooney was fantastic in this, but Jeff Bridges has won every award this year and will take that momentum into Sunday's show. Odds of Bridges winning: 4-1.
Best Actress: Who should win? Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia). Who will win? Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side). Yes, I have seen Julie & Julia(the joys of being married) and it was actually pretty good. Streep has won this award before so the voters will give it to Bullock, who is making a career comeback. Odds of Bullock winning: 5-1.
Best Actor in a Supporting Role:
Even John couldn't be more optimistic about Landa's chancesWho should win? Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds). Who will win? Waltz. A fantastic movie (but not as good as Pulp Fiction or Kill Bill), Waltz was absolutely perfect in this role. The last time someone was this big of a favorite was Daniel Day-Lewis and Javier Bardem back in 2008. Odds of Waltz winning: 1-10.
Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Who should win? Vera Farminga (Up in the Air). Who will win? Mo'Nique (Precious). Farminga made me hate women and never allow my wife to go on a business trip again. But Mo'Nique, like the rest of the acting awards, has this one in the bag because of her past wins. Odds of Mo'Nique winning: 3-1.
Best Director: Who should win? Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds). Who will win? James fucking Cameron (Avatar). Tarantino, who I will not compare to Martin Scorsese, is going to have to wait until his next movie, and then his next movie, and then his next movie to get that Oscar statue. Cameron, who I have read is a major dickbag, will win the award simply because Avatarhas made a gazillion dollars. Odds of Cameron winning? 2-1.
Avatar: (Rob Lowery/London Warren) Even though I have not see
n Avatar (still the only one in the world), I know a little bit about it. This movie features blue people in the mythical land of Pandora who have the perfect world before the humans come in and try to fuck everything up. Why did I choose the Swag and Jacksonville Jet for this movie? Well, because they have dreads of course! That and coming into this year, the Flyer Faithful felt they had the perfect point guards for the season until teams of the Atlantic 10 went and fucked it up by making Rob think it was a good idea for him shoot 10 three pointers a game. While Avatar has not been an epic failure, the last season of Lowery/Warren has been. Odds of Avatar winning Best Picture: 5-1.
The Blind Side: (Marcus Johnson) This was a tough one. To the best of my knowledge, there are no players on this team that were homeless on the street, without parents, and then rescued by a rich family like the Baltimore Ravens offensive lineman, Michael Oher. So I went ahead and took the literal meaning of this movie, well not really. While Marcus was not protecting a quarterback's blind side, he did blind side the Flyer Faithful this year by sucking major ass. What was expected to be a breakout senior year that could have possibly led to an NBA tryout turned out to be one of the most disappointing seasons in recent memory (Davis Morris comes to mind). While Oher has gone on to become a great player for the Ravens, MJ will be forgotten in a few years and be put in the same group as "could have beens" Brooks Hall of Shame and Monty Scott. Odds of The Blind Side winning Best Picture: 10-1.
District 9: (Josh Benson) I have heard from a reliable source that Josh Benson eats cat food every morning for breakfast so this was a no brainer. District 9 is about a million or so aliens held captive in South Africa because of the fear of what they will do if they were let loose in the world. Benson is facing the same thing with this Flyers team. Benson, whose alien-like arms and out of this world talent, is hardly ever on display for fear of what he will do (like turning the ball over). Here's hoping Benson harnesses all of his talents this summer and is in the starting lineup next season. If not, expect him to rip apart Brian Gregory's body. Odds of District 9 winning Best Picture: 20-1.
An Education: (Matt Kavanaugh) Comparing my least favorite player to a Nick Hornby script? In the words of Phil Dunphy, "Why the face?" I'll be honest, I have not seen this movie but according to Google it is about a group of con artists who rent apartments located around the elderly to black people, knowing that the elderly people will move -- allowing the con artists to swoop in and buy the apartments/houses cheap.
What does this have to do with Matt Kavanaugh? I have no fucking clue. USA TODAY says Hornby's "taking on a young woman's loss of innocence was uncharted territory." There we go! Matt Kavanaugh is a young woman who lost her innocence. Nah. But the Ghost in the Post needs to...get ready for it...take an an education from Sean Finn and Mark Ashman and learn how to play like a man. A lot of people (OK, just Roger Bohn and Secaur) think that Matt could be contribute to the Flyers during his career. We shall see. Odds of An Education winning Best Picture: 25-1.
The Hurt Locker: (Luke Fabrizius) With the Hurt Locker, if you don't actually know anything about how
the military works, but you like things going "BOOM," well then you love this movie. Does it help that it feeds liberal Hollywood's standing agenda to rally against the military industrial complex? That's just a bonus I'm sure. Just like with Luke Fabrizius' early career at Dayton, people who don't have a real understanding of basketball, like to see Fabby Fab Fab bomb it from deep with reckless abandonment for their viewing pleasure. In reality, his play is difficult to stomach for most people with real knowledge on the subject, because they know he's giving up 4 points for every three he makes. He does have his stand out games, but most of the time he bombs. Get it? By the way, I actually liked this movie, but a lot of people did not. Also, I'm an idiot so do not take my word for it. Odds of The Hurt Locker winning Best Picture: 7-1. (written by Jim O'Brien)
Inglourious Basterds: (UD's 09-10 season) I have no idea what this is for or why I am participating, but I can almost guarantee that this will be the only section of this post without a spelling error. Personally, I think it's great that the day before a HUGE game we are sitting around talking about the Academy Awards like a bunch of fat, single women and their gay male friends. Makes perfect sense.
I'm an unapologetic Tarantino slurper, I even liked Jackie Brown, and this one ranks right up there with the best of his work. No one writes better dialogue than Tarantino and no director has a better eye for detail. You could make an argument for Wes Anderson, but his nuances are so forced and contrived that they actually BECOME the movie, taking attention away from the actual film. Anderson is all style, no substance. QT is adept at balancing both, and no one is in his league.
The only problem with this film is the pacing. The opening sequence of Basterds is filled with great tension and monumental drama, so much so that everything after the initial scene is a letdown. Just as Tarantino's movie suffered from the expectations set by that phenomenal scene, the Flyers have suffered from the expectations coming into this season. It wasn't so much that Dayton was overrated, certainly they were, it was the letdown the club suffered after coming back from Puerto Rico. Even though the Flyers came back from the PR Tipoff 1-2, they held their own against a formidable trio of programs and instilled confidence for the rest of the season. Most UD fans were convinced that it was going to be a steady climb upward from that point forward. Not quite, as the Flyers peaked and will likely finish just a game or two above .500 in the conference. Odds of Inglourious Basterds winning Best Picture: absolutely no clue. (written by Mr. Blackburn)
Precious: (Devin Searcy) This is where having Desmond Adedeji would have come in handy. Devin is not a big, fat, black person like Precious (yes, I know that is not PC), but he does have a lot in common with her. I hope Searcy has not been raped by his father, but he has been beaten and bruised by Brian Gregory's ego. Searcy has outplayed, out-hustled, out-practiced, and pretty much outed Kurt Huelsman this year. Let's take a look at the St. Louis game from last month. Granted Searcy played more minutes (21 to 14), but he outscored Kurt 16-0. Yet, who was starting both overtimes? Kurt. I would say that this has to hurt Searcy's confidence but he has to know that Gregory is always going to be stubborn and next year, Searcy will be the starting center from Day 1. Odds of Precious winning Best Picture: 20-1.
A Serious Man: (Brian Gregory) Another movie I have yet to see but according to Google, A Serious Man is about a father/husband named Larry who has a pothead son, a daughter who steals from him, a brother that sleeps on his couch, and a wife that wants to divorce him so she can be with someone else. Throw in the fact that he is a college professor who is bribed by one of his students to pass him or he (the student) will make sure Larry does not get tenure. Sounds like a shitty job/life if you ask me.
Enter Brian Gregory. The life of a successful Division 1 basketball coach can be glamorous but eventually, it will all come crashing down. Yes, there are the coaches like John Wooden, Dean Smith, Coach K, Adolph Rupp, etc. that did and will leave on their own terms, but a lot of coaches are fired because of the ridiculous expectations their fanbases have for them. Gregory is trying to juggle the team (which from rumors floating around, is not getting along), the athletic department, and the batshit crazy fan base that is the Flyer Faithful. Can you blame the guy if he wants to go elsewhere? It may come as a shock to you all, but I never really pictured Gregory as a Dayton guy. I don't know what that even means, but I always pictured him at a school like DePaul or Temple or Washington. Big city guy, good recruiter, has the world at his finger tips. While I have thought that Gregory wasn't a great coach, he is a good man (maybe even a serious man) for the Dayton job.
Up: (Chris Wright) This one was a no-brainer. Everyone who has seen Up says it is the best Pixar
movie ever (maybe even the best animated movie ever) and that it will make you cry and appreciate life. Well, Chris Wright makes me cry alright. Granted, CW has had a solid year in terms of points and rebounds and he is the undisputed leader of this team. However, CW...like Up...is extremely overrated in my mind. Talking with Blackburn the Troll yesterday, he asked me a simple question. Would I rather have Jordan Crawford or Chris Wright. I didn't even hesitate when I said, "Jordan Crawford, no question about it." Looking down at the Atlantic 14 right now, there are several players I'd rather have instead of Chris Wright. I'd take Damian Saunders, Kevin Anderson, Shamari Spears, and Rodney Green before CW. I'd also watch Finding Nemo, Toy Story 2, Ratatouille, and Wall-E before I'd watch Up again. Give me a break people, I have a soft spot for Pixar films. That and I have two nieces who won't shut up unless that shit is on the TV. Odds of Up winning Best Picture: 15-1.
Up in the Air: (Chris Johnson) My favorite movie of the year with my favorite player of the year. This movie was as close to perfect as they come, as was CJ this year with the Flyers. Up in the Air stars the sexiest man alive, George Clooney, while CJ is the sexiest player on this team (he has impregnated at least 5 cheerleaders). Up in the Air is about a man who is hired by companies from around the United States to fire their employees. While Ryan Bingham (played by Clooney) thinks that he loves the lifestyle of flying from place to place and not having any set in stone relationships, he realizes he is lonely and wants a change. The past few weeks, the Internets have been abuzz about CJ feeling lonely and wanting a change. SPOILER ALERT!!! Clooney goes for the girl, gets burned, and goes back to living what he thought was a good life (though we are quite sure he will never be happy). CJ will flirt with the idea of transferring but will eventually stay at UD and pretend he is happy, when in reality, he is just counting the days until he leaves Dayton. Odds of Up in the Air winning Best Picture: 6-1.