Halloween weekend started off on Thursday with an absolute shit show at Tim’s. The nasty weather did put a bit of a damper on things to start, but by the time Friday rolled around the students were ready to drink themselves into oblivion. Friday night commenced with a St. Patrick’s style party on Stonemill. Hundreds of students dressed up took over almost an entire block of the street. People were standing on cars and the street was completely blocked. “U-S-A” and “F—K Xavier” chants and steady streams of Natty Light kept the party going until the UD Police showed up in force. Who knew they even employed so many campus police officers?
OK, now you nasty perverts will get what you want. First off there is a rumor involving two freshmen basketball players. Word has it that Kendall Pollard and Scoochie Smith double-penetrated a girl who had a boyfriend at the time. Apparently the boyfriend just could not stack up with two basketball beef swords. Scooch and KP were just trying to do their best Charles Little impersonation, but in typical freshman fashion they got the roles reversed.
Next is the art of TOFTB. For those of you who do not know, that means “Tits Out For The Boys.” Reportedly a group of freshmen guys accomplished this art form by getting a freshman girl to go completely topless in the hallway that is until the RA walked in. The girl tucked away her tatas and escaped, but returned the following night.
Friday morning a great walk of shame was witnessed. With the grace of Matt Kavanaugh, a girl returned to a guy’s room to pick up her clothes from the following night. She searched all around the room with no luck. She forgot to check the hallway, where her various articles of clothing could be found hanging for the boys to see. She quickly grabbed her lacy clothing and yelled “ I HATE HIM.” A condom was later found in the stairwell. UD takes Halloween decorations seriously.
I will finish with two tales of freshman debauchery. The first story is an assault; the problem is that it was a drunken rampage against the dorm ceiling. A pack of wild freshman boys attacked the ceiling to take out the anger of not getting laid apparently. Minutes later the scene was covered in broken ceiling tiles, broken glass, broken exit signs, and blood. The campus police once again came along to ruin the party.
The final tale is that a young freshman male who made out with a girl who puked. Reportedly, the girl and guy were making out and she stopped to vomit. Then the guy continued to suck her face. I might have this wrong, but I thought puke licking was a contest on Fear Factor. Either way we would like for the readers to be on the look out for this young flyer’s self-respect.
Stay Drunk. Stay Stupid
I'm here to document the chaos of the ghetto and the rest of UD. Stay Drunk. Stay Stupid. Freshman Report