I never had any expectation of being anything more than a taxpayer when I grew up. I don’t really have any life goals, never have and I probably never will. I recall taking one of those “career” tests in high-school and coming up with something like air traffic controller or a dental hygienist assistant. No matter, in hindsight either of those careers would have be fine with me, my life probably wouldn’t have been that much different either way.
The only thrills left in my life are (a) risking my money or (b) risking my life (this includes marriage and/or children). One hope is that someday I will find the time to spend three straight weeks in Vegas during March Madness — betting each game and sleeping in the bathrooms at Excalibur.
Unfortunately, I have too many life commitments for the foreseeable future, so this dream will have to wait. However, the Internet makes all things possible. My Pornbot not only lets me converse with people via Twitter, it also permits me to gamble semi-legally on student-athletes. I can place a bet online, close my eyes and pretend I am surrounded by a sea of smoky sadness and cholesterol. Although there is no substitute for the real thing (Fleshlights be damned), losing money is losing money, no matter the venue.
So, my aim is to bet on each game of the NCAA Tournament this year. $50 a game and let the chips fall where they may (until my girlfriend begins to wonder why we are eating Subway every night).
Onto the picks:
Mount Saint Mary’s vs. Albany (-2.5)
I know nothing about either team, which means my chances of winning this bet just went up exponentially. Actually that’s not true, I did watch about three minutes of Albany’s victory over Stony Brook in the America East conference final last week, so I am intimately familiar with the Great Dane program. My main concerns — Albany is a poor shooting team and plays at a slow pace, and an astounding 87% of the action at my book is on the Great Danes. However, I think that the America East is a slightly better conference than the Northeast Conference and UA does have prior tournament experience. In addition, Albany relies heavily on the play of three Australian kids. This trip to Dayton is probably the first time they haven’t had sex since they got to America. Their minds will be clear and focused solely on beating Mount Saint Mary’s.
***For some reason, I had a “free” $25 bet in my account, so that is being utilized for this hunk of shit game.***
NC State (+3.5) vs. Xavier
As much as the thought of Chris Mack having to face an Atlantic Ten team in the next round is appetizing, I like NC State playing with house money here. The Wolfpack’s inclusion in the field was a surprise, which leads me to believe they will be looser than Jason Collins’ colon when the ball gets tipped tonight. Xavier, perhaps more than any other college program, is the gambler’s darling — the Overlords own a remarkable 18-2-1 ATS record over their last 21 tournament games. X will certainly have a sizable showing in the Arena — which will likely be offset by local Dayton yahoos yelling at them. Morgan Miller went to NC State, as did Archie. That’s good juju. The line has been bet up from 2.5, I even like the Pack straight-up. Oh, and TJ Warren is super-good.
Tom Blackburn is a proud U. o' D. alum. He loses faith in humanity one day at a time, but not in you, you seem like you are all kinds of alright. Charter member of the T-Man fanclub.