5 Things I Know I Know (Week of January 25, 2010)

Well it's been a tough 2010 so far for the Flyers.  I'm not saying that the Flyers are 1-3 ever since Harry Balls Baujan joined the team but I'm just saying that the Flyers are were 13-3 before Harry Balls joined the team. But let's not blame Harry, let's blame the team's 3 point shooting which has been discussed ad nauseam everywhere you look.  Oh well, let's cheer up.  There is still some season left so I might as well throw in my two cents.

1.) If the BR was a family and all you commenters were our kids, the family roles would look like so: Blackburn is the mother of the family.  He birthed us all and is always there for us when we get in trouble (he is a lawyer, like Star Jones).  O'Brien is the creepy uncle that hits on all of your friends that come over to the point where you will never bring over a girlfriend in fear that OB will come downstairs in nothing but his banana hammock. Ollie is the grandpa of the family.  He is one shitty blog post away from being sent to a nursing home.  Harry Balls is the aunt that thinks she is 20 years old but is really 45 years old.  You see these women at Kramer's and sometimes Tim's if the moment is right, also known as "the cougar" or DiSab's mother. Oglethorpe (remember him?) is the long lost relative that comes around when he needs money.  Me?  Well I am the stepfather. You all hate me and I beat you.  That being said, let's look at the rest of the games, Swampy Meadows-style, except you know, realistic:

• @ St. Bonnies: Win, no need to discuss.  Granted it's on the road but I don't see this team losing to those welding fucktards.
• Xavier: Win.  The Flyers win this game comfortably to regain their confidence.  Plus it is at home and the Muskies "can't win at UD."  Right?
• Charlotte: Loss.  Charlotte is good this year folks.  You think Xavier is a thorn in Dayton's side? The 49er's always come to play vs Dayton.  That and Sharmari Spears is a straight baller!
• @ St. Louis: Loss. Rick Majerus is a better coach than Brian Gregory.  There, I said it.  Dayton has won in the Lou before, but this team is going to choke down there.  You just watch.
• LaSalle: Win because this team will come out with the "we need to win the rest of the way out" mantra.
• @ Duquesne: Loss.  Duquesne should have beaten Dayton the first game.  They won't blow the game this time around
• @ Temple: Loss.  Seriously, Temple might have lost to Charlotte but this team is the cream of the crop in the A-14 this year.  Flyers lose big time.  I'm talking 20+ point loss.
• UMass: Win.  UMass sucks this year.  Dayton wins this game easily.
• @ Richmond: Loss.  Blackburn's team officially kills John's hopes and dreams, even though they should be crushed well before then.
• St. Louis: Win for senior night.  Goodbye Kurt!

So in summation, I predict the Flyers to go 5-5 the rest of the way.  Am I trying to reverse jinx this team (ala Bill Simmons)?  You're God damned right I am!  Remember, I'm the stepfather.  You hate me.

Hot in this pic, Not hot in most.2.) It's Thursday, which means it USED to be a good night for TV.  For all of you out there, remember when the Office was great?  Seasons 1, 2, and 3 were unbelievable and then it just went to shit.  If I had to rank the NBC Thursday prime time shows in order of watchability, it would go 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, Community, and the Office.  It has gotten that bad.  The turning point?  When Pam and Jim got together.  The show was so much better when they were at the "will they or won't they" stage?  Which brings me to my next point.  Is Jenna Fischer (Pam) hot or not?  I am going to go with "Not" on this one.  She just annoys me. Although with all celebrities, you can always find hot pictures.

3.) If someone was to tell me on New Year's Eve that Five For Fighting, Train, and Uncle Kracker all would be making comebacks in 2010 (or as Blackburn said to me the other day, "Don't call it a comeback.  They were never gone."), I would have kissed you on the mouth because I would have figured that it would not be 2010, yet it would be 2003 and I would be back in college.  Yes, 2003 is back folks.  3/4ths of our readers weren't even born yet back in '03.  Ramod Marshasll, Keith Waleskowski, and Sean Finn were banging so many chicks in the ghetto that paternity tests were given out at practices on a daily basis.  So do I like the fact that I hear these 3 songs on the radio nonstop?  Not really.  But there will always be a special place in my heart for these 3 bands because, as I said, it reminds me of college.  True story.  Miami girls are hotter than UD girls.  Wow, I'm making friends left and right today!

4.) Can we just save everyone (mainly married/pussy whipped men like myself) the time and effort and call the upcoming movie, Valentine's Day, what it should be really called?  He's Just Not That Into You 2. All of you know I am a huge movie buff and I will admit that this movie intrigued me when I first saw the preview. No, I do not think it looks good.  I am racking my brain trying to figure out a.) how they got so many stars to be in it and, b.) what the budget of this film must have been.  Just looking at imdb.com, it is a who's who of big time names.  Check out this cast (with side notes from the wife):

• What was the budget of this film?Jessica Alba (hot)
• Jessica Biel (hotter)
• Kathy Bates (Oscar winner)
• Bradley Cooper (big time name after The Hangover even though he has been around forever)
• Eric Dane (Dr. McSteamy and whose penis was in that "porno" with the Noxzema girl)
• Patrick Dempsey (Dr. McDreamy)
• Jamie Foxx (Oscar winner, Grammy winner)
• Jennifer Garner (hot)
• Topher Grace ("That 70's show")
• Anne Hathaway (who is in every movie now, Oscar nominee)
• Ashton Kutcher (EVERYWHERE, even though we don't want him to be)
• Queen Latifah (Grammy winner, Oscar nominee)
• Taylor Lautner (TEAM JACOB!!!)
• Taylor Swift (hot)
• George Lopez (apparently has a talk show?)
• Shirley MacLaine (Oscar winner)
• Julia Roberts (Oscar winner)

Holy shit!  Chances are this movie will be exactly like HJNTIY, in the sense that each star will only be in it for about 20 minutes a piece, but damn. Will I see it?  Of course, I am married and have no dick.  Will I walk away wondering how all of these egos were able to get along on set?  Absolutely!

5.) Since this is a college basketball focused blog, some quick thoughts from around the country.  John Wall will most likely be the #1 pick next year, but don't count out Evan Turner.  Call me a homer if you want, but Evan is the most complete player in the country right now.  I've seen some mock drafts that have him as high as #2.  And to think the guy broke his fucking back two months ago!  My "Purdue is winning it all" claim is looking a little foolish right now.  I will say this though, don't sleep on them come March.  Another team that has caught my eye is Syracuse.  They are young and just dumb enough to do something great.  Lastly, get in all your laughs and chuckles at UNC's expense now.  Next year, they are going to be REALLY good.  Like Dayton, only a lot better.  See you all next week!

5 Things I Know (Week of January 18, 2010)

It has been awhile since I've written this column.  Blame the holidays, blame work, and maybe even blame me for waiting 48 hours in line to try out for American Idol (I didn't make it).  Much like Ray over at Flyers Fieldhouse, I decided to make a comeback (even though it is someone else named Keith that is writing over there).  So 5 Things is back, whether you like it or not.  It's what Martin Luther King, Jr would have wanted.

1.) Did you guys know that Dayton hasn't beaten Xavier in Cincinnati since 1981?  I don't think the announcers let us know that one.  Anyway, despite what the people at UDPride will try to tell you, there is no such thing as a moral victory.  This isn't the fucking CYO or JV basketball.  This is Division 1 basketball (cue Mike Gundy).  Do you think the Dayton players went into that locker room after the game and said, "You know what?  We played well and almost won.  If we just make our free throws, golly gee, we win that game!"  Fuck no!  I bet Chris Johnson hate fucked Zesty just because he could.  As predicted on this site, Xavier might be having a "down year" but they are still the alpha dog in the conference.  Do I think Dayton will win the rematch?  Of course I do.  But that still does not make it a rivalry.

What the nation wants?2.) Speaking of final 4, the NFL playoffs are coming down to an end.  Off the top of my head, I would think everyone would love to see the Colts in the Super Bowl playing either NFC team.  No offense to O'Brien, who loves the Jets, but let's be serious here.  It's the fucking Jets.  Nate Kaeding tried to kill himself the other night.  The only problem is that he couldn't kick the stool out from underneath him.  As Blackburn has said a few times on Twitter, does Jim Caldwell do anything?  The same can be said about Brad Childress.  Does he do anything?  But here is a good question for everyone.  Who has more to gain from a Super Bowl win?  Manning or Favre?  I would have to say Favre.  Yes Favre owns every statistical record imaginable, but a lot of pundits out there think he is overrated because he has only won 1 Super Bowl.  Granted, Manning has only 1 title but I think a lot of people believe he will get a few more before his career is over.  We shall see.

3.) I'll take this time here to welcome Harry "Balls" Baujan to the BR club.  Rest assured, even though we are scarily getting close to the same amount of writers as the Peanut Butter and a Blanket site, we will not disappear for 6 months.  I for one thoroughly enjoyed Harry's Monday column and I hope you all did too.  The top of the Atlantic 14 is looking dead sexy right now while the bottom is looking like a piece of dog shit.  If the NCAA Tournament started today, the league would get 4 teams and could even maybe get a 5th.  There are A LOT of games to be played, including a Xavier/Temple tilt this week.  It's been said on the site before, but it is going to come down to Temple, Dayton, or Xavier (even though Blackburn is dead set on Richmond winning the league).  If Dayton can somehow win at Temple or Richmond (neither of which will probably happen), look at Dayton to be the #2 seed going into AC.  I think we all can agree that right now, Dayton has about an 80% chance of making the NCAA Tournament but let's not get too ahead of ourselves.  I've seen some people say that Dayton will win the next 9 games before possibly upsetting Temple.  Please remember that this is Dayton, who always seems to a.) lose to shitty teams on the road and b.) never plays Charlotte or GW that well, even at home.  You have been warned.

Why would you CGI this???4.) The Golden Globes were on Sunday and I think it's official.  I'm the only person on Earth that has not seen Avatar.  Is it any good?  I'm not into the sci-fi stuff.  I've seen the Star Wars movies (the original 3), but have never seen a minute of the Star Trek movies or TV shows.  Plus, how could you make a hot piece of ass like Zoe Saldana into a freakish blue mutant?  Anyway, the Golden Globes are known as being an Oscar prediction show.  Being a self-appointed movie buff, I feel like I should probably go see Avatar so I can decide if it truly deserves to win over Up in the Air which is one of the better movies I have seen in a long time.  One thing I think we all can agree on is that if Vegas put odds on winning an Oscar (which they probably do), Christoph Waltz is about as sure as they come in terms of betting.  Let's just say if you were to bet on him winning an Oscar, you'd have to bet about $1000 to win $100.  He is THAT big of a favorite.  Not since Javier Bardem (which is actually only 2 years ago) has there been a more sure bet.

5.) I wanted to take this last piece to get all of your opinions on the podcasts.  Blackburn and I have been tossing around the idea of doing one every other week, but only if people actually listen to them.  Granted we are not the best voices out there and we sure as hell are never prepared.  However, I really do enjoy doing them.  Not sure about Blackburn or OB, but I like to think it is a nice change of pace.  So yeah, we are always looking for suggestions in terms of the podcasts (and site), so help us out.  Despite having 30 writers, we do run out of topics to talk about.  This is Dayton, not Duke.  One last thing, I don't want to get all political on your asses, but if you live in Massachusetts, vote Scott Brown.  That is all on that topic.  See ya next week (I hope).

5 Things I Know (Week of Decmeber 14, 2009)

It's that time of the season where basketball teams start playing one game a week because of finals.  This is brutally painful because like Adam stated in our comment section yesterday, there is nothing to do during the week.  Do we watch another rerun of House, M.D?  I will admit that I have seen every episode of the new season of Scrubs and let me tell you, I need basketball in my life.  The problem for me is that a lot of times, I don't really care about the teams playing unless they have some immediate effect on Dayton (ie: Xavier vs. Cincinnati).  If you watched the Duke/Gardner-Webb battle last night, God have mercy on your soul.

1.) Last Friday's win vs ODU, in my mind, was Dayton's best victory of the year.  Creighton sucks the big fat one and Georgia Tech is not going to finish in the top half of the ACC.  ODU is going to win the CAA, mark it down folks.  Come tournament time, Dayton's resume is going to need all the good wins it can get.  While the A-14's RPI is stellar right now, Doogie Harris quickly points out (seriously, I think he gets his ideas from our comments) that the A-14 teams are an amazing 1-19 vs teams with an RPI of 25 or better.  Actually, Doogie got that nugget from Jerry Palm of collegerpi.com but nonetheless, OUCH!  The New Year's Day game with New Mexico is HUGE for Dayton.

2.) Yeah yeah yeah, we have a message board.  Like Blackburn said a few days ago, we are not happy about it.  All I ask is that we don't become UDPride.  The last thing we need is when UD is down by 5 vs Presbyterian, John getting on there stating that Dayton doesn't deserve to be in the CIT.  Behave yourselves gentlemen (and Julia).  And while we are here, if you are going to do a Hot or Not, at least use women that people know.  The problem with Hot or Not is that any girl (well, except for Jennifer Aniston and Sophia Bush) can be not hot in the right picture.  So this week, let's talk about Drew Barrymore.  Looks doable in that picture right?  But the fact is, Drew Barrymore is not hot.  Next.

3.) YouTube is wonderful.  I would be lying if I said I haven't watched the dramatic prairie dog/gopher/marmot at least 1,000 times.  But there was a video going around the other day in the comment section that I want to point out here.  See below:

That, my friends, is Brian Fabrizius.  Brian, as you can already figure out, is the younger brother of the now injured (which shockingly hurts this team) Luke Fabrizius.  So many things make me laugh at this video.  The first thing that comes to mind is that this literally looks like a church REC league or that league where kids were not good enough to play for their HS team so they played in a league of rejects.  Second, check out the court!  One of Brian's shots comes from half court!  Forget shooting a 3 from the corner because you will be out of bounds.  Third, not many brothers in this video.  Fourth, there is a moment where Brian blocks a 5'4" guard, takes the ball down the court, and pops a 3.  However, we don't know if it goes in or not.  Nice camera work dad.  And last but certainly not least, the beginning and the end are the same sequence of blocks.  Quentin Tarantino better watch out because I think Luke and Brian's dad has a good shot at winning Best Director at this year's Oscar ceremony.

4.) So the big news yesterday was the Big Ten adding another team to go from the Big 11 to another Big 12.  While I am a traditionalist in all senses (like anal sex being the ultimate birth control), I agree that the Big Ten needs another team.  People harping that Notre Dame will be the next team are crazy.  ND is not leaving their cushy NBC gig.  Other schools have been saying that Louisville or Cincinnati would be great additions.  While I agree on both of those schools, they would never leave the Big East because of the basketball (even though this year and other years, the Big Ten is better).  I think all signs obviously point to Missouri.  Every now and then they have good years in football, but they never really suck.  Same goes with basketball.  I think it would be a great addition.  Plus, wouldn't we all love to see this happen every year?  Again, I love you YouTube.

5.) I've mentioned this before and I'll say it again.  Great Lakes Christmas Ale is fucking crack.  The label should say: "WARNING!!!  LIQUID CRACK."  It's smooth and amazing.  But the hangovers last a lifetime.  I still think I am hungover from this past Saturday.  All in all, Christmas Ale is the only good thing to ever come out of Cleveland.  And my wife and Flyers Fieldhouse guru Ray Stineman are from that shithole too.  That's saying a lot.  Also, I will be attending my first Flyers game of the year on Saturday.  Hopefully the Belvedere Fan Club is out and about.

5 Things I Know (Week of December 7, 2009)

Another week, another 2 wins. The game vs. Lehigh was never in doubt and Dayton cruised to that victory, as well they should have. When Dayton made the trip to Washington D.C., err, Fairfax, Virginia, they were going to play a George Mason team that went to the Final Four in 2006! Instead, they played a scrappy team that looked dead in the water, only to comeback and make the game a lot closer than it should have been. Kudos to Chris Wright for coming to play last night. Without his two points, we lose that game (sort of like that commenter last year saying we lost the Duquesne game without Luke Fab).  Dayton needs to get it's shit together because they face a TOUGH Old Dominion team on Friday (Q&A coming tomorrow, recon coming Friday).

1.) It has been said so many times on the blog that I can't even keep count. Sick or not sick, Chris Johnson is the best player on this team. Chris Wright might be averaging more points, but how many of those are outside two feet from the basket (Tom needs to do a graph or something about this). Imagine where this team would be without CJ. This team would be dead in the water. THANKFULLY, after ODU leaves, Dayton has 3 cupcake games before they go to the Pit in New Mexico. Hopefully the players aren't hung the fuck over like the 4 writers of this shit are surely going to be. Which begs the question, the Rose Bowl or Dayton/New Mexico? Which brings me to my next point...

2.) The BCS bowl games were announced this past weekend. In the comment section, everyone had an opinion about who should have played for the National Championship and who sucks and who doesn't suck and who fucked Jersey's sister and who took pictures of Oliver's mother in the shower. It's a fun conversation that no one is ever going to win, despite what Secaur thinks. Like everyone else in the free world, I believe Alabama is going to spank Texas. However, does it ever really end up that way?  I think back to Ohio State shocking Miami in 2001. Then Florida, not really shocking Ohio State in 2006, but the majority of fans (I believe it was 80%) thought Ohio State was going to win that game. Texas beating USC was somewhat of an upset. Maybe Texas will give them a good game? I am picking Cincinnati to beat Florida because well, I hate Florida. Who cares about Iowa/Georgia Tech but I'll pick the Wrambling Wreck because I don't want to start another fight with their engineering fans. I'll pick TCU to squeak by Boise in a game that will make people say, "Hey, TCU deserves to play for the National Championship."  Give me a fucking break. If Texas would have lost, Cincinnati AND Florida would have been better teams to play Alabama. Lastly, Oregon beats Ohio State. And OSU fans hate Jim Tressel even more.

3.) More college football news (sorry John). It seems that everyone has a Heisman vote. So much so that our own Ice Road Trucker, Tom Archdeacon, has a vote. He voted Colt McCoy to win the stiff armed trophy. I guess he didn't watch Colt shit the bed vs. Nebraska. If I had a vote, which I probably do and don't even realize, I would vote for Mark Ingram, Toby Gerhart, and CJ Spiller in my top 3. Yes, I love running backs. The "big 3" quarterbacks shit the bed this year, but don't tell that to Blackburn. If he had a vote, he would have voted for Tim Tebow #1, #2, and #3 in his ballot. It is comforting to know that Tim Tebow will no longer be in college (although I will be shocked if the NCAA somehow doesn't give him a 5th and 6th year). It is also comforting to know that he won't be an NFL quarterback and will be out of the league in about 3 years, cutting baby penises and still a virgin. I can't think of a more overrated quarterback in my time than Tim Tebow. Jump pass for the win? Good leader? Yes. Good quarterback?  Hardly. DiSab can throw 5 yards to Percy Harvin and watch him scamper 60 yards for the TD.

4.) A lot of people in the Internets are talking about the Sports Business Journal's recent article about possibly expanding the NCAA Tournament from 65 teams to 96 teams. I think this is a terrible idea. The NCAA Tournament is the most perfect thing in sports. The perfect amount of teams and it is not watered down.  If you increase the amount of teams, you can look at it at a pro/con scale. Pro: Dayton will probably make it every year. Con: Does it really mean anything anymore? It's like the Oscars increasing the Best Picture nominations from 5 to 10. Granted, if you win, you can say you beat out 9 other movies.  But if you don't win, is it even worth saying, "Well, it was nominated." Let's look at someone like Northwestern (the only team I can think of that has never made the big dance). If they make the field this year, it will be party in Evanston like no other. If they make it in 3 years with 96 teams in the field, is it the same type of party? It probably is for Northwestern but for the rest of the country, the novelty won't be the same. If you are going to expand, blow it up, and add everyone into the tournament.  Bam. That would be crazy.

5.) Last and certainly not least, we are putting this "Are leggings hot" issue to bed. Since I am a heterosexual male (at least that is what my wife thinks), I cannot give any insight on this topic. So, I went to my hot friend Jenn to get her insight.  Before you ask, she said she would help out as long as I 1.) Did not use her last name and 2.) Did not show a picture without her permission. And since she did not give permission, there will be no picture for you horn balls to jerk off to. But she went to Miami and therefore John probably hates her. She now lives in Wisconsin which means that she is probably best friends with Blackburn's girlfriend. Trust me when I say, she is hot. And married. And was in a few episodes of Gossip Girl. So therefore, she is way out of our league. Anyway, here are her pro's and con's of leggings.

• Pro's: Comfortable, stretchy, available in many colors/styles, tuck nicely into boots that jeans are too bulky for, can be dressed up or down, are fairly inexpensive, look cute in with flats (another trend you should seriously examine before participating in), are flattering on most (see con's) people - especially black leggings, and you'll feel trendy wearing something that you once wore in Kindergarten.

• Con's: Should not be worn if you are really heavy because they end up looking like sheer tights instead of leggings, they are NOT a substitute for pants (EVER), often become see-through when appearing in a picture taken with a flash due to the thin material (wait, that might be a pro for you guys), aren't very warm in the winter months, and they're a pretty universal trend that spans all generations.  So you might see yourself in the same leggings as a preschooler or a grandmother.  And Lindsay Lohan loves them.  Enough said.

So there you have it. Discussion over. We are not a fashion blog. Obviously hot chicks can pull the leggings look off, but hot girls can pull any fashion trend (except Uggs) off. No more leggings talk. Why would we talk about something that COVERS up a person's legs? Don't we want our women as close to naked as possible? Thanks Jenn for pointing us in the right direction. Now, behave yourselves in the comment section. I'm looking at you, John.

5 Things I Know (Week of November 30, 2009)

Two wins since the last time I wrote this column. Are they ugly wins? Of course they are. Are they important wins? Always. After 6 games this year, it is obvious to anyone watching this Flyers team that they are not going to win any style points. Come March, no one will remember that the Flyers had to make comebacks in both of these wins. Granted, neither of these wins will be "quality wins" and after Creighton's start and Xavier's free fall, something tells me that Dayton will probably only have the Georgia Tech win as a "quality win." Then again, I am pretty wrong on a lot of things.  I am not wrong on...

1.) Chris Johnson is the MVP of this team. Hands down, 100%, unanimous vote. If I had to pick a runner up, it would be Mickey Perry. Correct me if I am wrong (and again, I am wrong a lot), he has hit a clutch 3 pointer in every single game this year that has given Dayton the lead or the momentum. Granted his 3 did not fall vs Kansas State, but he still hit a 3 earlier to get Dayton back within striking distance.  It's comforting to know that he is there JUST in case Rob Low struggles early (which I suspect he will).

2.) Everyone that knows me knows that I am slightly obsessed with the Dave Matthews Band. So obsessed that I didn't even think about looking at the Grammy nominations list. Turns out I should have because DMB is nominated for Album of the Year. As I have said before, I'm a compulsive gambler and have given the following nominees a percentage chance on winning the Album of the Year. Oh fuck it, that is too much work. Let's just say that DMB has about a .0000001% of winning vs the likes of Taylor Swift (the "hottest" artist out there right now), Beyonce (America's sweetheart next to Taylor Swift), Lady Gaga (the tranny who has like 10 #1 hits right now), and the Blackeyed Peas (who used to be cool when Fergie was semi-attractive). If I was a gambling man, Taylor Swift will take home a lot of the awards and the camera will show Kanye West about 200 times.

3.) I am glad that Tom is finally coming around to Ellen Page. I said last year that I thought she was pretty hot. But I am going to drop that and talk about an argument that O'Brien, and some other commenters, started the other day about girls fashion. OK Jim, I will admit that the right girl can pull off these retarded leggings. You know, the one's that stop at the ankle that were cool in 1985.  What you all have to realize is that Jim (and Tom) live in New York City. Where do hot girls live? New York City.  Where do ugly girls live? Dayton, Ohio. While there is the occasional hot girl in the greater Dayton area, let's just say that the pickings are very slim. So if you see that girl rocking out the neon leggings and Ugg boots at Tim's, chances are she is a heifer and has hooked up with DiSab.

4.) While reading Tom Archdeacon's latest blog entry about last night's game (while of course listening to "Eastbound and Down" because Arch is always loaded up and truckin'), I came across this gem from Chris(t) Wright: 

"This is one of the toughest places to play in the country. And Miami? Well, they ain't never gonna go nowhere. They're like gnats at a barbecue."

I wish I could show you all my screen right now and how many red squiggly lines are in that sentence. I sent it to Blackburn, who minored in olde English at UD, and he stated that the sentence spoken by Wright had at least 3 negatives in it. Very impressive. While I love a good BBQ, I can't stand broken English. It is one of my biggest pet peeves, along with colored Just in time for Christmassocks and people who forget to turn off their turn signal. Anyway, does Chris realize that "ain't" is not a word? Which led me to ask Blackburn if he thought CW actually went to class which led to him laughing at me and calling me a faggot.

5.) I don't want to delve into the Tiger Woods thing because it is EVERYWHERE. But I must say, this will effect him 0%. The guy has more money than God, will give Elin a "Kobe Special," and will continue to win golf tournaments. Now if Tiger beat the shit out of Elin, then it would be different. This is nothing compared to what Kobe did and look at him now. He is probably the most popular player in the NBA (well, him or LBJ). Gatorade, Nike, Tag, everyone will still stand by him. Blackburn's favorite site, AshleyMadison.com has offered Tiger to be their sponsor.  Hilarious.  Granted, Tiger hooked up with a nasty ass stripper so that was a bad idea. But he probably paid enough money to be able to stick it anywhere he wanted. But enough of that garbage. Go Flyers, crush these upcoming shitty teams. Again, I am on record stating that Purdue is going to win it all. Happy Birthday to Mr. Brian Roberts, this blog's white whale. Shit, I can't help it. Seriously Tiger? You'd cheat on her? Enjoy!  See ya next week.

5 Things I Know (Week of November 23, 2009)

The Puerto Rico Tip Off is behind us, thankfully, and we can now focus on the road ahead.  While a 1-2 record in the nation's 51st state will anger some people, we can take solace in the fact that all 3 games were competitive to the point where Dayton could have very well been 3-0.  But if you are a Negative Nancy like some people, you could quickly point out that Dayton could very well be 0-4 right now.  It's time to put PR behind us, it's over and forgotten.  Ha, that just made me think of that classic SNL commercial where it talks about a tattoo removal kit.  They say something like, "Now everything from that Jamaican (in this case, Puerto Rico) vacation can be erased."  Then it shows a woman (maybe Tina Fey?) who says, "Well, not everything" and then a bi-racial kid runs up to her and says, "Mommy!"  Fucking classic.

1.) In our pathetic excuse for a non-conference prediction preview, we all agreed that Dayton would lose to GT and then win the next two.  Looking at the rest of our predictions, I said Dayton will lose to Miami while Blackburn and O'Brien said the New Mexico game will end poorly for the Flyers.  Oliver had Dayton going 29-1.  I immediately regret my prediction of Miami beating Dayton, since Miami is baaaaaad this year.  However, Dayton always plays terrible down in Mullet Hall.  Let's face it, if Dayton turns the ball over and gets it's ass kicked on the glass like they did in PR, then us fans are in store for a long season.  I still stand by my 2 losses in the OOC slate, so we shall see.

2.) We covered Thanksgiving, or Slapsgiving to you How I Met Your Mother fans, last year in a classic edition Five for Flying.  I want to reiterate something that Tom and I wrote in that segment.  Thanksgiving is by far the best holiday.  Food, family, football, and friends.  Even if you hate your family, it's not like you have to spend all night with them.  And while you are hanging out with them, you get great food.  Tom and I both picked stuffing as the best Thanksgiving fare.  We both mentioned that it is the best thing ever, but we only eat it once a year.  What gives?  I've never made stuffing but I have watched my grandma do it and it does not look that hard to make.  Leave the bread out for a few days, mix the rest of the shit in there, pop it in the oven, and enjoy.  I should request stuffing for my birthday meal every year instead of Marion's.  Who am I kidding?  Marion's is the best.

3.) I have a new idea for Thanksgiving football and it can start this year.  The winner of the 3 games gets to host the game next year.  If you keep winning, you keep playing on Thanksgiving.  Each year, 3 different teams get a chance.  That way, we aren't forced to lose our appetites by watching the shitty ass Lions.  I'm sorry Swampy Meadows, but it's true.  The Lions are terrible.  Which brings me to my next question.  What time does everyone eat their "dinner?"  I say 3:00 is the perfect time because that gives you time to relax and eat another meal later that night.  It is great for the lucky bastards that have their parents and their in-laws in the same city (or nearby) where they can get two meals.  Seriously though, I swear I am not a fat tub of lard.

4.) Last week I showed you a picture of the stunning Blake Lively.  I apologize because I should have shown you these pictures of the even more stunning Leighton Meester.  Tom claims to not know who these ladies are and I call bullshit.  There is NO WAY that these two sexy starlets are not in all of our spank banks.  And don't even try to lie and say, "I've never seen a minute of that show."  We all have watched it in awe for about 5 minutes saying things like, "Do high school girls really dress like that?"  Then when it goes to commercial, you are out of your trance and say something like, "Wait, what happened?  Did I black out?"  Just admit it DiSab.

5.) I think it's time that we all talk about this University of Dayton preseason video.  It's so embarrassing that it's actually laughable.  The beginning is actually pretty good but then, it gets pathetic.  In an email chain, Oliver (who seriously is about 22 years old) said, "20 NBA Players developed in the 15 years.  I guess they are talking about Gregory being an assistant at Michigan State, right?"  No Oliver, they are talking about the 1950's and 1960's.  Which Dayton fans ALWAYS do.  In fact, Tom and I even spoke about that in our Deadspin preview last year.  Embarrassing.  But not as embarrassing as when the video openly slurps the cock of Chris Wright.  Did you know he had a 43.5" vertical leap?  Yeah?  Well did you know that he is on the Wooden Award Preseason Top 50 list?  You did?  Well did you know that he is a projected NBA first round pick?  Yeah, I didn't think so.

5 Things I Know (Week of November 16, 2009)

Another year, another chance for you all to hate me.  I'd like to welcome back the faithful readers because without you, I'd be happy and confident.  I'd also like to welcome the new readers.  Fuck you all and the boat you came in on.  Get your suntan lotion ready and let's get excited for Puerto Rico.

1.) I was in Mexico last week and was a distant memory during the preview posts.  I admit that I rushed my answers to the questions and even forgot to answer some of them.  Here are my predictions for the year.  12-2 in the non-conference schedule with losses to Georgia Tech and Miami.  Yeah, call me a faggot all you want, Miami is better than most people think (see game vs UK).  They always play Dayton tough, they have a better coach, and most of all, they have hotter girls.  And before you say, "Yeah, but the guys pop their collars," just stop being a retard.  The people that rip Miami are the people that did not get accepted there.  Yeah, that means you BrownsFlyer.  I kid, I love BrownsFlyer.  I hate Tron Paul.  In the conference, I see Dayton losing at least 3 road games (Xavier, Richmond, and Temple) and 1 home game (most likely Charlotte for some gay ass reason since they lose to them EVERY year.  That makes them 24-6.  Win at least 1 game in the A-14 tournament and they are 25-7, with an RPI of about 25, and they once again sneak into the NCAA at an 11 seed.

2.) Like I said, I went to Mexico for my honeymoon.  I highly recommend it to anyone.  Nothing like eating, drinking, and pretty much doing nothing all week while being pampered by men and women that put my Spanglish to shame.  Secrets Capri in Playa del Carmen.  Pamper your bitch by taking her there and you will have the upper hand the rest of your relationship.  Trust me, I no longer have to double bag it when I have intercourse.  Plus, there is a free porn channel in the hotel.  In English too.  I hate jerking it to foreign porn.

3.) We touched on this briefly in our podcast with Ray, but I will elaborate on Lebron James.  Right now, I think it is 50-50 that he stays/leaves Cleveland.  Every team can pay him the max money so that doesn't mean anything.  The Knicks suck really bad so I doubt he will go there.  Cleveland is maybe the 4th best team in the East (behind Boston, Orlando, and possibly Miami) so why stay there when the Magic (and Bulls) are just going to get better every year.? So to steal a page from Bill Simmons, I see James going to either Chicago or to the Clippers.  And then the city of Cleveland dying.  And me laughing all the way to hell.

4.) Brian Kelly will be the next coach at Notre Dame...in 2 years.  Weis will somehow remain with Notre Dame next season and will be fired after they again go 8-4.  Let's just put this out in the air and say what Notre Dame fans don't want you to hear.  When ND hired Tyrone Willingham, they thought, "Look at us!  We hired a black guy!"  Then, when he started sucking ass he was all of a sudden not "a Notre Dame guy."  Let's look at the facts.  He was the ONLY coach in Notre Dame history not to finish his contract.  Notre Dame hiring was race related and firing him was race related.  Charlie Weis had 2 good years at Notre Dame...with Tyrone's players.  Brady Quinn has been exposed as a fraud.  Notre Dame is by far the most overrated sports program in the history of sports.  The Chicago Cubs, of course, are #2.

5.) Tom and I have talked about this a little, but allow me to vent.  How the FUCK is the Dayton/Georgia Tech game not on TV?  Sure, I am going to be at work and it doesn't matter anyway, but come on.  They recently showed a Duke/Coastal Carolina game on ESPNU and they can't put a game of two ranked teams on one of the 8 ESPN channels?  Sure it's on at 11:30 in the morning and that is what, the 3rd hour of Cold Pizza or the 7th hour of Colin Cowherd, but still.  Fuck you ESPN.  I am jealous of the people in Dayton that get to watch the game on the Dayton CW.  Maybe there will be some commercials for Gossip Girl and the delicious Blake Lively?  Definitely hot.  See what I did there?  I changed things up.

Welcome back basketball season!