Hit the Lights

Well, it had to end at some point. This tournament experience was like going to a black fraternity party by yourself (something I insist everyone do once). Eventually its 2 a.m., the crowd disperses, and you're standing by yourself in the corner watching 30 black guys doing bench-presses. One guy turns to another, motions towards you and says something like, "Hey, who the fuck let Casper in?" That's your signal that it's time to go home and count your blessings. So, that's what we are going to do.

Regardless of what you think about Sunday's performance, keep in mind that there were around 300 programs that would have loved to have traded places with "us"--before, during and even after our beat down in Minneapolis. I am hopeful that this season is the one we all look back on as the point where this program finally turned the corner. Although I thought the same thing in 2004, the pulse of the program feels stronger this time around. Obviously with the bulk of this year's team coming back, sans Chaz Little, next year figures to carry with it expectations of another NCAA tournament appearance.

I woke up Monday morning and already had an email with a copy of Jason Whitlock's article from the Kansas City Star in my inbox. The piece discusses Kansas' dismantling of our Flyers. Here is the passage that has ruffled more than a few feathers in the Ham n' Egg Army:

"Honestly, I played on and coached better-shooting intramural teams in college than the 2008-09 Dayton Flyers. Dayton, the runner-up in the Atlantic 10, might be on par with Colorado, the last-place team in the Big 12. Yes, in November Dayton beat Auburn and Marquette on back-to-back nights. November is college basketball’s exhibition season. The results shouldn't count.

I’ve never seen anything as pathetic as Dayton’s offense. On Saturday, I spent much of the afternoon wondering how Chris Wright, a big-time recruit, landed at Dayton. Sunday he provided an answer. He can’t finish at the rim, in the paint or on the perimeter. He’s Kansas State’s Dominique Sutton without the defensive intensity.

Wright is so raw that a vegan would put him in the microwave."

First things first, Whitlock coached an intramural team? Secondly, UD fans cannot take this as a personal slam against the Flyers. Although Whitlock is certainly belittling Dayton's offense, the article was intended to merely derail the hopes of KU fans who think the Jayhawks suddenly have a shot at making it to Detroit in a couple of weeks. The premise of Whitlock's article is that the Jayhawks are a two-man team who beat North Dakota State and Dayton to get to the Sweet 16--not exactly stiff competition from Whitlock's point of view. I'm not even sure how Flyer fans are justified in being offended by Whitlock's comments. UD did shoot a staggering 22% from the floor, correct? They struggled to score 40 points in the game, right? Someone explain where the outrage is coming from. Would anyone who watched Sunday's game consider Dayton to be a decent offensive team?

As far as the criticism of Wright goes, it's really nothing we didn't already know. Although Whitlock's words may come off as malicious, he is merely stating his opinion after seeing Kountry Chris' limitations first hand. Dayton fans know that Wright isn't capable of doing much outside of two feet from the rim. Kansas certainly knew this as well, as they practically dared Wright to shoot jumpers. Instead, KC continually drove into the lane, only to have Aldrich swat everything he threw up with the ease only a seven-foot mongloid could muster. Which makes Wright's recent comments regarding his future completely mind-boggling:

"I'm not worried about anything but our team getting better and getting my education in school," Wright said. "As far as the NBA — whether it's next year or my senior year, you never know — when the opportunity comes calling, we'll cross that road."

But wait, it gets better...

"Wright and his family haven't ruled out exploring the NBA this spring, though. Underclassmen can participate in pre-draft events and can retain their eligibility as long as they don't hire an agent. Wright said he'll rely on UD coach Brian Gregory for direction in that matter."

I would pay good money to hear Gregory's reaction. "Chris, say that you are fucking with me and I'll pretend this conversation never took place."

Back to the Kansas game:

• The AP was able to elicit Mickey Perry's thoughts about Cole Aldrich after the game: "He's just so big down there," Perry said. Well put, Mr. Perry. I am sure Aldrich, though confused, appreciates the endorsement. When asked to comment on Perry's statement, Sherron Collins was quoted as saying, "Who?"

• You have to look at this game from two perspectives. From an offensive point of view, Dayton was atrocious. That's a given. Defensively, the Flyers did everything they could to put them in a position to win. Collins and Aldrich were going to get theirs, and they did. Collins finished with 25 and Alrich scored 13. The rest of the Jayhawks were so terrible offensively (27% shooting) that you had to wonder whether or not Gregory recruited them as well. If you told me that Kansas would have been held to 60 points I wouldn't have believed you. If Dayton's offense was just mediocre, they probably win that game.
  

• Think about this for a second: Dayton was probably a length-of-the-court Rob Lowery lay-up against Fordham from being in the NIT. Instead, they were in the second round of the tournament, playing against one of college basketball's institutions. That's how capricious this season was.

• Lastly, Dan Foxxx and Luke Hendrick--but no Brad Mac? Gregory, you heartless bastard. McEldowney finished the season with 5 minutes and a personal foul. I don't want to alarm anyone, but I think we just enjoyed Brad's first and only season with the Flyers. Long may you run, Bradley Mac.

Recon: Duquesne University

I guess it all comes down to this? A loss to the Dukes could send the Flyers down a path of great resistance. It's clearly too early to speculate as to what will happen with the Providences, Penn States and Marylands of the nation, but one thing is certain--UD needs to win their final regular season game to avoid the possibility of another epic collapse. A win against Duquesne means a 2nd or 3rd place regular season finish (3rd being more likely), as well as a first-round bye for the Flyers in the A-10 tournament. A Dayton loss, coupled with a Temple win (likely as the Owls take on GW) would result in a fifth place finish and a first round matchup with the loser of today's Charlotte/St. Bonaventure game on Wednesday. So, to say that tonight's game against the Dukes is vital would be a severe understatement. It would be like saying Jimmy Fallon's show is not funny.

Now, I don't know about you, but I have a hard time believing that the 5th place team in the Atlantic 10 is going to receive an at-large bid come Selection Sunday. I want to take a quick look back at my comments with Ray from Fieldhouse before conference play began. We were making educated guesstimates regarding UD's probable record going into Atlantic City. I am credited with the following, "My projection would put UD somewhere around 26-5/25-6/24-7 headed into Atlantic City. I will take that. You will take that." Don't misinterpret my inclusion of this quote as a pat on the back, because it isn't. Anyone who has even the slightest ability to utilize logic could make an accurate prediction about this year's basketball program. Besides, Ray's predictions were more accurate anyway. The non-conference schedule provided little in the way of challenges and the conference was mediocre as a whole. Dayton is notoriously appalling on the road and did not disappoint this year, going 3-5 away from home in conference play. On the flip side, UD is consistently strong at home, this year's undefeated record at UD Arena is clearly evidence of that.

What's the point of this rambling? Simple, this is exactly where you should have expected Dayton to be going into today's game. Dayton was the constant, the rest of the conference teams were the variables. Unfortunately for the Flyers, Rhode Island outperformed expectations, and Duquesne's current status stands directly in UD's path to the NCAA Tournament. Let's look at our present circumstances as straightforward as possible. Win today, win in the quarters of the A-10 tourney, the Flyers are in. Win today, lose in the quarters of the conference tournament, UD relies on the rest of the results from conference tournaments to determine their fate. Lose today, and I'm not even sure what combination of events would have to occur to ensure Dayton's place in the field of 65. Just consider tonight's game essential to survival.

Tonight's game is the last home edition of the Chaz Little show. Ratings have been mixed at best. The black Davy Crockett did not live up to expectations, as his production dipped since his sophomore year. Take a look at the kid from Cleveland, Tennessee:

Season	GP	MPG	PPG	FG%	3FG%	FT%	APG	RPG	BPG	SPG
2008-2009	29	23.3	7.7	47.7	0.0	63.6	0.8	3.7	0.3	0.3
2007-2008	31	22.0	8.0	49.8	0.0	45.2	1.3	4.6	0.3	0.4
2006-2007	31	24.9	10.5	51.9	0.0	54.1	1.2	5.2	0.4	0.7
2005-2006	31	13.5	4.6	47.9	0.0	46.2	0.3	2.6	0.5	0.2

Charles didn't turn out to be the kind of player I thought he would. During his first two seasons on campus, I thought he would turn out to be UD's cheaply fashioned version of Charles Barkley. A undersized guy who excels primarily on effort and perseverance. If you told me two years ago that Little would be averaging a double-double during his final year at UD, I wouldn't have blinked an eye. We probably would have exchanged an unjustified high five and sat there staring at each other, searching for something else to say. Just two strangers, looking for a way out of an awkward social encounter. But, it just wasn't to be. Chaz peaked during his second season and never seemed to recover the fire that made him so valuable in the first place. His scoring decreased, his production on the boards diminished, and yet his poon-slaying was on pace for record setting numbers. So, let's not say his time at Dayton was a complete waste. Honestly, I'm a Charles Little fan based on his unshakable ability to remain even-keeled no matter what. I don't think he would care if he played 10 minutes or 30. He seems like the kind of guy who realized he wasn't destined for the NBA, so he decided to enjoy every minute of college--no matter the results. I respect him because I can understand that mentality. I would like to say that Chaz will be missed, that his shoes will be hard to fill, but that just isn't the case.

Chuck Ludwig speaks truth to power. Ludwig states that Matt Kavanaugh and Juwan Staten are better than Kurt Huelsman and London Warren right now. My visceral reaction to that statement was that Ludwig was attempting to rile people up and get some attention, which is probably accurate for the most part, but then I realized that he wasn't necessarily saying something shocking. I would blindly take Staten over Warren and would rather have a blind man than Huelsman. So Chuck, tell us something we don't know. Although I must commend Ludwig for this particular observation: "Memo to UD coach Brian Gregory: Do yourself a favor. Get Kurt Huelsman off the court…immediately. Zero points. Three rebounds. 17 minutes. Against Xavier. That’s not good. He couldn’t start for Sinclair Community College’s Tartan Pride." I'm sure Ludwig will get emails from the Huelsman apologists, those that are left, but their outrage will be misdirected. You have to consider what Ludwig is saying. You can't blame Huelsman at this point. It's like blaming a dog for shitting on the rug. That's what dogs do. You can't blame Huelsman for playing like shit. That's what he does. Gregory created this monster.

As far as the Dukes are concerned, we've already had a taste and know what to expect. Dayton had one of its more impressive performances against Duquesne back in mid-January, winning 78-69 in Pittsburgh. Fortunately for the Flyers, the Dukes have a guard-oriented attack led by Aaron Jackson. From what I recall, Ajax was a bit under the weather last time out, yet finished with 18 points on 7-13 shooting from the field. With so much on the line for both schools, Duquesne can earn a bye with a win tonight, you have to think Jackson will be like a gay guy at truck stop gloryhole, looking to score early and often. Duquesne' s lack of an inside presence is exactly what the doctor ordered, as Dayton has been lacking post play all season as well. Damian Saunders and Bill Clark will be the Dukes second and third options. Clark's ability to stretch the court with his outside ability caused some problems for the Flyers the first time around, as he ended the contest with 19 points, going 3-5 from behind the arc. If Dayton plays the same type of defense tonight, making Jackson work for every shot, the Flyers have an excellent chance of winning this one. Besides, Vegas believes in us, as the real powers that be made the Flyers a 6 point favorite.

Prediction: My thinking here is simple. For all of the ups and downs this season, Dayton has won every game they absolutely had to have. Following that trend, I believe the Flyers pull out a close one to move one win away from a NCAA tournament invite. Marcus Johnson continues to emerge as Dayton's best player, scoring 18 points on the night. Chris Wright racks up a double-double, 11 points and 11 rebounds. The Dukes' are led by Aaron Jackson's 23 points. I wouldn't be surprised if this one came down to the last play of the game, with Jackson missing a tough shot at the buzzer to seal the win for the Flyers. Nothing ever comes easy for this team, and tonight will likely be no different. Gregory, attempting to make up for Big Dog Searcy's absence, calls upon a new walk-on, Ronaldo De Souza, to spell Huelsman. De Souza drops 15 points, grabs 7 rebounds and blocks 5 shots in his thirteen minutes of playing time. After the game he walks out of the arena shoeless, never to be heard from again. A decade later, after being indicted as one of Brazil's major drug kingpins and sex traffickers, Thiago Cordiero's home is searched. A Dayton uniform with the name "De Souza" is found buried in his closet. Brian Gregory, recently fired from his job as head coach of Michigan State, denies the accusations made against him. Due to the incident, Dayton's miraculous run to the 2009 Final Four is eventually wiped from the books forever.

I am going to be upfront with you people, this interview made me feel like a creepy old man. I felt like the old guy at the public pool who cuts the lining out of his bathing suit so that everyone can see his nutbag when he sits. Just a stone-cold pervert who is not allowed to sit near the children at Thanksgiving. I got to hand it to Donoher, as he once again used his cunning ways to arrange an interview with two current UD cheerleaders. In return for their cooperation, they asked that their identities remain confidential. I have checking accounts that are older than these girls, but remember--"Don't Judge, Lest You Be Judged" (a.k.a. the statutory-rape defense). With that said, we peel back the curtains of the UD program to learn which foxes are in the hen house, and how Marcus Johnson probably has an all-access pass to your girlfriend's boy shorts.

Blackburn: The handful of people who read this blog will wonder--why didn't Tom and Don reveal the names, pictures and measurements of these two cheerleaders? Please explain to the good people why we were forced to sign a confidentiality agreement prior to this interview ensuring your identities would not be disclosed. You are, of course, encouraged to give the audience hints however.

Because we can't damage our good names or lose any dignity with some of the answers to these outrageous questions you're asking us. Some of our superiors would not be happy with them either I'm sure.

Donoher: Let's get this one out of the way first. I enjoy Bring It On. In fact, my fiance gave me the OK to leave her for Eliza Dushku if I ever get the chance. While making fun of male cheerleaders is fun, I would never do it to their face. They obviously could kick my ass and are normally built like trucks. That being said, how many are homosexuals and how many are straight? I guess movie stereotypes show male cheerleaders enjoying a nice dick in the ass, but I can't imagine that all male cheerleaders are gay. It has to be a great way to pick up chicks, no?

Welllll we only suspect one of being gay...but it's not 100% certain...yet. The rest of the guys are definitely straight. Most have girlfriends actually. Our squad is really close and yes, it is a good way for the guys to meet girls at times. Who doesn't enjoy a good cheer-up once in awhile?!! (cheer-up = cheerleader-on-cheerleader hookup)

Donoher: Another scene in the greatest movie of all time shows one of the male cheerleaders talking about "slipping a digit" into a girl's woman parts. This has to happen a lot, right? I think I saw a girl get off during a TV timeout last season.

Ewwwww, no that has not happened to us and we would be extremely upset if that ever happened on the court. Think about if all of our weight is supported by that "digit." Ouch. Every once in awhile we of course get a nice little butt grab, but no big deal.

Blackburn: We are off to our usual classy start. Let's pump the brakes a bit and tackle something I am sure you are asked all the time. It's a nice, easy question to cleanse yourselves from the preceding filth. Would you define cheerleading as a sport?

High school sideline cheering...absolutely not. High school competition...absolutely. Have you ever watched nationals on ESPN2??? Most of us on the squad competed in them in Orlando...Bring It On style! How many of you can tumble stunt and dance like that...come on. College cheerleading?? DUH. For guys...not many can throw a girl in the air and actually catch her, hold her up, and not hurt her. And for girls...we practice 3 times a week and lift twice a week as well...we work just as hard as everyone else.

Donoher: At my work,they absolutely forbid relationships with co-workers. What are the rules for the cheerleading squad? Are any of the cheerleaders dating players? Or better yet, are any of the cheerleaders, how do we say this gently...friends with benefits with any of the players? I heard from someone that Charles Little LOOOOVES banging white chicks.

We can date whoever we want, players or cheerleaders. There have been people in relationships where both were on the squad. No one that we know of has actually been in a serious relationship with a basketball player, but let's be real...hookups happen. Sorry to disappoint you, but none of them have been with Charles Little. He does have a realllly good body though, just look at those muscles. There are a few people on the current squad that have hooked up with players this year. Two still are...we'll leave it up to your imagination as to who they are though. :)

Blackburn: I, for one, do not begrudge anyone for banging white chicks. Every President, especially the current one, has had intercourse with at least one white chick, and look where that got them? Obama is currently the 3rd most powerful person in the world, behind only J.D. Salinger and Christian Siriano from Project Runway. That can't be a coincidence. Along those same lines that Don alluded to, if you had to sleep with a player to keep your spot on the squad (like they do at Ohio State)--who would it be and why?

Let's be honest..we wouldn't mind sleeping with a select few even if our spot on the squad wasn't in jeopardy. Let's just make a list of the players in the order of attractiveness. Obviously, Marcus Johnson is the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. Chris Wright is a close second. Dan Fox is pretty. Even though Kurt is worthless, he's pretty attractive too. Stephen Thomas has a special place in one of our hearts (hint hint). Next would be Charles...only because of his body, duh. Next is Luke Fab...and I think that's where we'd draw the line.

Donoher: OK, let's talk about Hope. She is so fucking hot that I find it hard to believe that she is married. Hot woman like her pose for Playboy. What is she like in real life? Does she smell like rose petals and sweet perfume? Has she ever mentioned the blog in casual conversation? Like when you ladies are stretching, does she ever say, "Spread those legs like I spread for Tom and Don?"

Hope is a fun coach and person in real life...we like her. And yes, she is very pretty. Sorry to disappoint, but I don't think she reads the blog...maybe her husband does though and he will be happy to see this I'm sure. We've never heard any comments about spreading our legs...

Blackburn: Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, tell me there are hazing rituals.

Well, we have some pretty fun cheerleading parties...the first one of the year the first years have to go down in the basement and finish some beverages, but nothing too elaborate. And we have a seasonal party around Christmas and have a gift exchange! We love to play truth or dare, never have I ever, and fun bonding games like that!! We bond in other ways too...like some of the girls have true romance parties together (to get "relationship enhancing products"). It's a blast.

Blackburn: Being cheerleaders, you really serve a two-pronged role. On one hand, you literally lead the crowd in cheers. On the other, you are a pseudo-sexual object to be leered at. Do you and the other cheerleaders ever discuss the fact that you are probably being used as a mental prop in some fifty year-old dude's sexual fantasy while he humps his lumpy wife?

That is absolutely disgusting. We're pretty sure everyone tries to keep old men out of their minds. Hopefully, they have something else on their minds while they're humping their wife...We'll leave it at that. No more talking about old men.

Donoher: So what is the craziest thing you have seen at a game? Mascot fights? People showing tits to get pizza? A cheerleader rumble? I always imagine that the cheerleaders talk mad shit to the referees too. Give us some good stories!

The craziest thing was probably the cheerleader fight that occurred at halftime this year between two of the males. That's the only fight we can think of and it wasn't too big of a deal. And the other mascots aren't at games, but Rudy could beat some ass I'm sure. We really aren't supposed to talk shit to the refs...but it's kind of hard when they're standing right in front of us. We scream at players a lot...both ours and the other team's.

Blackburn: Last question, I swear. When I was at UD, I had an idea that would have made gobs of money. We are talking "strip naked and roll around in it" piles of cash. I actually emailed the cheerleading coach at the time to discuss it, but my request was unfortunately met with utter disgust. The idea was simple: A cheerleading calendar. Nothing distasteful, mind you. It would be PG-13, very artsy and sensual. Just pick twelve willing participants, invite them over to my suite at the Best Western, turn on some sultry music (everyone can unwind with some wine coolers of their choosing), and then I just start snapping Polaroids. The calendar can make money for me, make money for you, and maybe even make money for the University. Everyone wins. Explain to me why this hasn't been done yet.

WE DID MAKE A CALENDAR!!! We made one this year. Not PG-13, more like rated G...athletics had to approve it, but we made one!! You should buy one. Did you really email Hope about that though? We bet she wasn't too excited.

Blackburn: At the time she wasn't too pumped about the whole idea. But now, with the economy turning sour, it appears that she has become a flesh peddler just to make a quick buck. I am sickened and appalled. Not so much that UD went ahead and made the calendar, but that I wasn't able to financially capitalize on it when I had the chance. Now, my only recourse is to make an all-male cheerleader calendar to be sold on Internet sites your Dad peruses when he thinks no one is home and God isn't looking. Just me, and bunch of shirtless dudes in chaps, and some whiskey. It will be like your average night in the Sigma Nu house at UD.