Recon: University of Kansas

I will come clean, I'm ashamed of myself. For many reasons, but let's just keep it UD related for now. I all but put my blogging shoes away for the summer after writing the Recon for West Virginia. Alas, my actions were short-sided and ill-conceived. As the record will show, Dayton turned in a performance not soon to be forgotten by Dayton students/grads/fans for some time. Chris Wright's play against West Virginia was the greatest aerial performance since Hiroshima. After an almost 20 year drought, the Flyers can finally put one in the win column. Up next? Only one of the most storied college basketball programs in the history of mankind, the Kansas Jayhawks. Vegas has Kansas listed as a 7.5 point favorite. They had "us" as a 9 point dog against West Virginia, so it appears we have gained a little respect where it matters most. The over/under is 134, so the guys in gold chains see it : Kansas 71, Dayton 63. Something like that.

This isn't your typical Jayhawk team. Kansas lost six seniors and its entire starting lineup from last year's Championship squad. So what does Bill Self do? First, insert McDonald's All-American Sherron Collins and Cole Aldrich into the starting lineup. Pretty good start. Then bring in the #2 recruiting class in the nation. That's good thinking, Mr. Self. It must be like what running a high-class escort agency is like. You start with 10 model-quality Russian girls aged 19-23. When they start dropping like flies from suicides or drug overdoses (or reach the age of 25--yuck!) you simply restock the roster with ten more twiggy Russian girls you bought off the Internet. The business continues to flourish because the girls know you are legit. You flash some cash, buy them a nice dress or two, introduce them to your dealer (who gives you a 25% cut for bringing in new customers), have a three to four year run where you make money, they make money, and everyone is happy. So...

Bill Self = Owner of Escort Agency
High School All Americans = Young Model-Quality Russian Girls
Recruiting/AAU/Summer Camps = Buying Russian Girls off the Internet
Kansas Tradition, National Exposure = Cash
Playing Time = A Nice Dress or Two
Introduction to Boosters = Introduction to Dealers
Players Leave KU When Eligibility is Used Up = Escorts Leave Agency When They Are Used Up
Kansas Does Well, Self Financially Rewarded = Escorts Do Well, Owner Financially Rewarded

I am a genius. Now join me as we take a big picture look at one of college basketball's institutions. Rock....Chalk....Jayhawk.....Kay......You......

Leading scorer Sherron Collins is a fucking freak show. Play him tight and he'll blow right by you, making you pull muscles you didn't even know you had. Play off him, and he will drop a 21 foot steamer on your chest. Brian Gregory, pick your poison. Reminds me of Ty Lawson from Carolina. Collins could be Lawson's doppelganger. Both guards are 5'11" and built for runnin' and gunnin'. I would say that Lawson is the overall better player, but Collins is not far behind. Collins comes into Sunday's game averaging 19 points and 5 assists. He single-handedly kept Kansas a step ahead of North Dakota State on Friday, finishing the game with 32 points and 8 assists. Collins took 26 shots in the victory over the Bison, which means he has the green light and isn't gun shy. London Warren is going to have to do everything short of giving Collins a proctology exam for the Flyers to have any chance of winning this one.

Brian Gregory: "You know how in Hoosiers Gene Hackman tells that guy that he wants to know what flavor bubble gum the other team's best player is chewing."
London Warren: "I guess..."
Brian Gregory: "Well, by the time this game is over, I want you to tell me what Collins ate two nights ago."
London Warren: "Are you starting Huelsman tonight?"
Brian Gregory: "You know this."
London Warren: "Then I can't take your coaching instructions seriously."

KU center Cole Aldrich has retard strength (Super-human strength usually had by one who is considered a retard and can lift heavy things only because they are too retarded to know they are hurting themselves--UrbanDictionary.com). Don't be offended, Obama says it's okay to poke fun at the mentally handicapped. He is seven-feet of pure Minnesota-hardened steel. Aldrich sits down at a toilet, evacuates his bowels and a double-double falls carelessly to the bottom of the bowl. He averages a solid 15-10 a night. When I saw Aldrich last year, I thought he had "project" written all over him. Turns out the kid just needed minutes, and for me "to get off his fucking back," as his production has increased dramatically this season. It could be a long night for UD if Aldrich is dominating the paint. The only big man the Flyers have faced that even comes close to Aldrich is St. Joe's Ahmad Nivins. Although UD had success against Nivins, he is more of a power forward, whereas Aldrich is more a of true center--something Dayton hasn't really faced this season. If I was Gregory I would tell Huelsman and Big Dog to go for the eyes.

Kansas might as well be the Rolling Stones, because after Mick and Keef it's a bunch of guys you never heard of. Which doesn't mean they can't hurt you. Freshman Tyshawn Taylor is most likely to make a name for himself on Sunday. I saw Taylor drop 26 on a Blake Griffin-less Oklahoma last month. He has range but doesn't rely solely on his outside shooting. He averages around 10 points a game but definitely has the ability to go off on Dayton should the Flyers choose to overload on Collins and Aldrich.

Sophomore guard Brady Morningstar is the boy next-door that no one wanted to play with. So he stood in his driveway in Lawrence, Kansas all by himself and shot threes all day. Sometimes he would break into cars and steal spare change out of the ashtray. He didn't need the money, it just made him feel alive. Besides, if anyone ever suspected him he would just blame his troubled older brother Rodney. "It couldn't be Brady, he is so quiet. All he does is shoot baskets all day." If UD sags off of Morningstar, he will hurt them. He spent all those hours alone in the driveway just so people like Brian Gregory would underestimate him.

Freshman forward Marcus Morris is going to be a stud someday. A double-double guy in the making. He isn't going to come in and light the world on fire on Sunday, but he will give the Jayhawks 20 decent minutes. Marcus is so efficient you would swear he was German. Marcus' brother from the same mother is his twin, Markieff. I love it when people just make names up on the spot like that. Markieff seems a little less offensively inclined than Marcus, but is solid on the boards. If sophomore Tyrel Reed is shooting, his feet will be at least 20 feet 9 inches from the rim. He is the Jayhawks' version of Luke Fabrizius. Only he will play on Sunday and not force any shots. Again, this is the type of guy UD has historically left alone to his own devices and ends up hitting five threes. Mario Little is a JUCO transfer, named the #1 junior college player by Rivals. He is from Chicago and wears the #23, judge that however you like. For a 6'5" kid, he is a monster on the boards. Little plays around 12 minutes a game and grabs about 4 boards a game. If Kurt Huelsman grabs four boards on Sunday UD wins this game. You can read that statement in a number of ways.

I'm hope we hear the tall story regarding Wilt Chamberlain and Dayton at some point during Sunday's telecast. Len Elmore will more than likely relay the story over Gus Johnson's unwarranted screaming. You know the one. The Stilt visits the Gem City. He sleeps with everyone with at least shoulder length hair but discovers that the racial climate in the Gem City is tepid. So he goes to the culturally diverse state of...Kansas. I'm not even sure where I heard about the Stilt's supposed recruitment to UD, it was probably one of Bucky Albers' colorful yarns that was created out of think air. Still, it's a pretty good story, so let's keep it in circulation.

Look at these numerals goddammit, I implore you!!

	PPG	FG%	FT%	3P%	RPG	ORPG	DRPG	APG	TPG	SPG	BPG	FPG
Kansas	77.1	47.9	72.8	38.0	41.7	12.1	26.8	16.2	14.6	6.9	4.3	19.3
Dayton	67.5	42.8	64.5	33.1	41.0	13.8	24.2	14.1	13.8	6.3	3.5	19.0
KU Opponents	65.8	38.8	71.7	33.5	34.5	11.0	20.6	12.7	13.8	7.1	3.2	20.1
UD Opponents	61.5	39.6	70.1	31.7	35.8	10.2	22.5	11.8	14.8	5.0	3.6	18.3

What can we tell from these numbers? KU likes to put it in the hole. It's fun, can you blame them? The Jayhawks shoot the ball from the stripe well, they hit almost 40% of their threes, out rebound their opponents by around eight boards a game, hold the opposition to 39% shooting from the field--let me sit down and catch my breath, these numbers kind of caught me off guard. Okay, so maybe KU is more talented than our guys. Let's just move on, nothing good will come of this.

Great quote from trucker Tom Archdeacon in today's DDN:

But Kansas All-American guard Sherron Collins — who has the skyline of his hometown Chicago tattooed in exacting detail across his right forearm — knew of Mickey Perry:

"He's from Chicago. Went to Proviso East."

Did he play against him?

Collins shook his head: "Don't think so."

Meanwhile, in the Flyers Metrodome quarters, Perry said: "I played Sherron a lot in high school. I know him pretty well."

I don't know why I found this quote so humorous, I just do. It's like Mickey is worshiping Sherron from a distance, an unrequited love kinda thing. Sherron likes to love 'em and leave 'em.

Prediction: I'm not one of those ham-and-eggers at UD Pride, so I'm not going to predict a UD victory. However, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think UD matches up better with Kansas than they did with WVU. The first ten minutes will tell the tale. If Dayton can hang with the Jayhawks for the first ten minutes, I like their chances. I would expect Aldrich to get the ball early and often. It's vital for Kurt and Big Dog to make him work for everything he gets. This is one game where we might really feel the loss of Lowery. Either way, it's been a great season--let's hope it continues.

An Open Letter to the Dayton Flyers

Dear U of D Flyers:

You did it. You so and so's fucking did it. I didn't actually get to see it because I was cleaning up a bunch of "code twos" at the human petting zoo I work at. Yes, "technically" I could have watched the game against West Virginia, the game where you rose above 20 years of misery and broke through to the second round of the NCAA Tournament. In fact, I was actually watching television during the game. However, "The Sandlot" is only on so many times during the year, and while I am a fan of the Dayton Flyers, my heart really belongs to a ragtag bunch of little leaguers, a blind James Earl Jones and a pair of PF Flyers.

I have to warn you, I'm a greedy bastard. The win against West Virginia was unexpected, exciting and euphoric--like my last visit to the local VA hospital for a condition I have come to affectionately call "melancholy herpes and the infinite scratching." I want more. More bounce passes. More shots that are just like shots that count for two points, but are in fact awarded an additional point because they originated from a distance just a bit farther that the aforementioned "two point shot" (from what I can decipher, anywhere from 1.6 to 34 feet). I want to see London Warren's dreds in full Lil' Wayne crunkvision. I want London Warren to drive the team to the game in a diamond encrusted utility van only to be arrested for crunk driving five miles from the arena. I want London Warren and Brian Gregory to attend a camp where the instructors solely teach them two skills: how to make bird feeders out of coconuts, and how to beat Kansas. I want them to both room together. I want London Warren on top of their crunk bed.

I admit it--I don't just want this, I need this. I have never seen a sight so gorgeous (other than Brett Michaels' hair) than the victory against West Virginia. I need you guys to beat Kansas. I wish I could give you some pointers, but the truth of the matter is--I don't really know much about them. I think they are just like West Virginia, only a little less rednecky. I also think if you score more points than them at the end of the game, we have a decent shot at winning this thing. Let's keep that on the DL though, I wouldn't want let the media know about that last part before the game.

You have to admit it--it felt good to win the West Virginia game. Why not do it again? You know what happens if you lose? You go back to class. You have to remember, we still think of you are "student-athletes." In other words, lose to the Jayhawks, and on Monday you will be sitting in Statistics wondering what the hell happened and why you're not wearing any pants. Even worse, the depression that comes from a loss could be too much for me to handle. At this point, the excitement has reached such a crescendo that anything less that a victory could forever damage my psyche. Remember that game in Cincinnati a few weeks ago? I know we told each other that we would never bring it up--like that time we accidentally fell asleep on the couch together watching "Because I Said So" and woke up in each other's arms. You remember it; we ate a whole box of Oreos and accidentally killed that hitchhiker we picked up on the way back from Blockbuster. Anyway, spiritually that loss will seem like a picnic if you lose on Sunday.

There are not many times in life where you can have the opportunity to achieve greatness. Alexander was great. The depression was great. Jonathan Brandis' performance in "Ladybugs" was great (sure, when Gwyneth Paltrow and Hilary Swank dress up like dudes, they get Oscars; when Brandis asks us to reconsider our most basic of assumptions regarding gender roles his performance was less critically acclaimed than the clearly inferior performance of Jackee'). If you win on Sunday, you take one more step towards greatness. You're in the same no lose situation Ray Combs was in when he was given the Family Feud gig, the same no lose situation as Sammy Hagar when he joined Van Halen--so no pressure.

I should stop. I have said too much already. The truth is--there is no pressure on you guys and I don't want to add any. It has been a pleasure following you this year. Sure, there have been some ups and downs, but that's the way this floating blue marble works. I have praised some of you, cursed others, but through it all I think we all knew that we would be there for each other. I am proud of you guys. You never stopped fighting, even though I was the one who got drunk, threw a drink in that guy's face, and grabbed his girlfriend's ass while quickly getting the hell out of there. One piece of advice--we don't want Scotty Howard out there on Sunday, we want the goddamned Teen Wolf. I don't want to jinx you guys, but I have a good feeling about this game. A really good feeling. In fact, I felt so good, that come to think of it, I do have one last favor to ask. Just a small, little nothing. Please, please, cover the spread.

Yours in Christ,

James Oglethorpe