Recon: University of Kansas

I will come clean, I'm ashamed of myself. For many reasons, but let's just keep it UD related for now. I all but put my blogging shoes away for the summer after writing the Recon for West Virginia. Alas, my actions were short-sided and ill-conceived. As the record will show, Dayton turned in a performance not soon to be forgotten by Dayton students/grads/fans for some time. Chris Wright's play against West Virginia was the greatest aerial performance since Hiroshima. After an almost 20 year drought, the Flyers can finally put one in the win column. Up next? Only one of the most storied college basketball programs in the history of mankind, the Kansas Jayhawks. Vegas has Kansas listed as a 7.5 point favorite. They had "us" as a 9 point dog against West Virginia, so it appears we have gained a little respect where it matters most. The over/under is 134, so the guys in gold chains see it : Kansas 71, Dayton 63. Something like that.

This isn't your typical Jayhawk team. Kansas lost six seniors and its entire starting lineup from last year's Championship squad. So what does Bill Self do? First, insert McDonald's All-American Sherron Collins and Cole Aldrich into the starting lineup. Pretty good start. Then bring in the #2 recruiting class in the nation. That's good thinking, Mr. Self. It must be like what running a high-class escort agency is like. You start with 10 model-quality Russian girls aged 19-23. When they start dropping like flies from suicides or drug overdoses (or reach the age of 25--yuck!) you simply restock the roster with ten more twiggy Russian girls you bought off the Internet. The business continues to flourish because the girls know you are legit. You flash some cash, buy them a nice dress or two, introduce them to your dealer (who gives you a 25% cut for bringing in new customers), have a three to four year run where you make money, they make money, and everyone is happy. So...

Bill Self = Owner of Escort Agency
High School All Americans = Young Model-Quality Russian Girls
Recruiting/AAU/Summer Camps = Buying Russian Girls off the Internet
Kansas Tradition, National Exposure = Cash
Playing Time = A Nice Dress or Two
Introduction to Boosters = Introduction to Dealers
Players Leave KU When Eligibility is Used Up = Escorts Leave Agency When They Are Used Up
Kansas Does Well, Self Financially Rewarded = Escorts Do Well, Owner Financially Rewarded

I am a genius. Now join me as we take a big picture look at one of college basketball's institutions. Rock....Chalk....Jayhawk.....Kay......You......

Leading scorer Sherron Collins is a fucking freak show. Play him tight and he'll blow right by you, making you pull muscles you didn't even know you had. Play off him, and he will drop a 21 foot steamer on your chest. Brian Gregory, pick your poison. Reminds me of Ty Lawson from Carolina. Collins could be Lawson's doppelganger. Both guards are 5'11" and built for runnin' and gunnin'. I would say that Lawson is the overall better player, but Collins is not far behind. Collins comes into Sunday's game averaging 19 points and 5 assists. He single-handedly kept Kansas a step ahead of North Dakota State on Friday, finishing the game with 32 points and 8 assists. Collins took 26 shots in the victory over the Bison, which means he has the green light and isn't gun shy. London Warren is going to have to do everything short of giving Collins a proctology exam for the Flyers to have any chance of winning this one.

Brian Gregory: "You know how in Hoosiers Gene Hackman tells that guy that he wants to know what flavor bubble gum the other team's best player is chewing."
London Warren: "I guess..."
Brian Gregory: "Well, by the time this game is over, I want you to tell me what Collins ate two nights ago."
London Warren: "Are you starting Huelsman tonight?"
Brian Gregory: "You know this."
London Warren: "Then I can't take your coaching instructions seriously."

KU center Cole Aldrich has retard strength (Super-human strength usually had by one who is considered a retard and can lift heavy things only because they are too retarded to know they are hurting themselves--UrbanDictionary.com). Don't be offended, Obama says it's okay to poke fun at the mentally handicapped. He is seven-feet of pure Minnesota-hardened steel. Aldrich sits down at a toilet, evacuates his bowels and a double-double falls carelessly to the bottom of the bowl. He averages a solid 15-10 a night. When I saw Aldrich last year, I thought he had "project" written all over him. Turns out the kid just needed minutes, and for me "to get off his fucking back," as his production has increased dramatically this season. It could be a long night for UD if Aldrich is dominating the paint. The only big man the Flyers have faced that even comes close to Aldrich is St. Joe's Ahmad Nivins. Although UD had success against Nivins, he is more of a power forward, whereas Aldrich is more a of true center--something Dayton hasn't really faced this season. If I was Gregory I would tell Huelsman and Big Dog to go for the eyes.

Kansas might as well be the Rolling Stones, because after Mick and Keef it's a bunch of guys you never heard of. Which doesn't mean they can't hurt you. Freshman Tyshawn Taylor is most likely to make a name for himself on Sunday. I saw Taylor drop 26 on a Blake Griffin-less Oklahoma last month. He has range but doesn't rely solely on his outside shooting. He averages around 10 points a game but definitely has the ability to go off on Dayton should the Flyers choose to overload on Collins and Aldrich.

Sophomore guard Brady Morningstar is the boy next-door that no one wanted to play with. So he stood in his driveway in Lawrence, Kansas all by himself and shot threes all day. Sometimes he would break into cars and steal spare change out of the ashtray. He didn't need the money, it just made him feel alive. Besides, if anyone ever suspected him he would just blame his troubled older brother Rodney. "It couldn't be Brady, he is so quiet. All he does is shoot baskets all day." If UD sags off of Morningstar, he will hurt them. He spent all those hours alone in the driveway just so people like Brian Gregory would underestimate him.

Freshman forward Marcus Morris is going to be a stud someday. A double-double guy in the making. He isn't going to come in and light the world on fire on Sunday, but he will give the Jayhawks 20 decent minutes. Marcus is so efficient you would swear he was German. Marcus' brother from the same mother is his twin, Markieff. I love it when people just make names up on the spot like that. Markieff seems a little less offensively inclined than Marcus, but is solid on the boards. If sophomore Tyrel Reed is shooting, his feet will be at least 20 feet 9 inches from the rim. He is the Jayhawks' version of Luke Fabrizius. Only he will play on Sunday and not force any shots. Again, this is the type of guy UD has historically left alone to his own devices and ends up hitting five threes. Mario Little is a JUCO transfer, named the #1 junior college player by Rivals. He is from Chicago and wears the #23, judge that however you like. For a 6'5" kid, he is a monster on the boards. Little plays around 12 minutes a game and grabs about 4 boards a game. If Kurt Huelsman grabs four boards on Sunday UD wins this game. You can read that statement in a number of ways.

I'm hope we hear the tall story regarding Wilt Chamberlain and Dayton at some point during Sunday's telecast. Len Elmore will more than likely relay the story over Gus Johnson's unwarranted screaming. You know the one. The Stilt visits the Gem City. He sleeps with everyone with at least shoulder length hair but discovers that the racial climate in the Gem City is tepid. So he goes to the culturally diverse state of...Kansas. I'm not even sure where I heard about the Stilt's supposed recruitment to UD, it was probably one of Bucky Albers' colorful yarns that was created out of think air. Still, it's a pretty good story, so let's keep it in circulation.

Look at these numerals goddammit, I implore you!!

	PPG	FG%	FT%	3P%	RPG	ORPG	DRPG	APG	TPG	SPG	BPG	FPG
Kansas	77.1	47.9	72.8	38.0	41.7	12.1	26.8	16.2	14.6	6.9	4.3	19.3
Dayton	67.5	42.8	64.5	33.1	41.0	13.8	24.2	14.1	13.8	6.3	3.5	19.0
KU Opponents	65.8	38.8	71.7	33.5	34.5	11.0	20.6	12.7	13.8	7.1	3.2	20.1
UD Opponents	61.5	39.6	70.1	31.7	35.8	10.2	22.5	11.8	14.8	5.0	3.6	18.3

What can we tell from these numbers? KU likes to put it in the hole. It's fun, can you blame them? The Jayhawks shoot the ball from the stripe well, they hit almost 40% of their threes, out rebound their opponents by around eight boards a game, hold the opposition to 39% shooting from the field--let me sit down and catch my breath, these numbers kind of caught me off guard. Okay, so maybe KU is more talented than our guys. Let's just move on, nothing good will come of this.

Great quote from trucker Tom Archdeacon in today's DDN:

But Kansas All-American guard Sherron Collins — who has the skyline of his hometown Chicago tattooed in exacting detail across his right forearm — knew of Mickey Perry:

"He's from Chicago. Went to Proviso East."

Did he play against him?

Collins shook his head: "Don't think so."

Meanwhile, in the Flyers Metrodome quarters, Perry said: "I played Sherron a lot in high school. I know him pretty well."

I don't know why I found this quote so humorous, I just do. It's like Mickey is worshiping Sherron from a distance, an unrequited love kinda thing. Sherron likes to love 'em and leave 'em.

Prediction: I'm not one of those ham-and-eggers at UD Pride, so I'm not going to predict a UD victory. However, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think UD matches up better with Kansas than they did with WVU. The first ten minutes will tell the tale. If Dayton can hang with the Jayhawks for the first ten minutes, I like their chances. I would expect Aldrich to get the ball early and often. It's vital for Kurt and Big Dog to make him work for everything he gets. This is one game where we might really feel the loss of Lowery. Either way, it's been a great season--let's hope it continues.

We Looked Like Giants

Is it possible for this team to join the Big East anytime soon? The Flyers seem to identify with the rough and tumble style often associated with Mike Traghese's baby. Everything had to break right for the Flyers to win this one, and thankfully, everything did. When the Mounties cut it to one on a Truck Bryant three with 10 minutes left, I fully expected UD to fold it up like Peter North in some short shorts. But it didn't happen. Chris Wright kept dunking and Charles Little was reminding people why he was the Sorority Slayer. Time ticked by, Dayton made some stops, converted a few foul shots, grabbed a couple of offensive boards, and before you knew it--it was over. 68-60. UD took a 4-3 lead with 17 minutes and never looked back.

Brian Gregory just earned yet another bargaining chip. If I was AD Tim Wabler I would take BG to dinner tonight, get him plastered, take him back to my room for some champagne and tomfoolery, and just when things were going towards the point of no return--whip it out. All 11 inches. All 11 by 8.5 inches of embossed papyrus. Make him sign that fucker right on the spot. Let's break it down like the old days:

• Player of the Game? I'm sure that most people are going to remember Chris Wright's performance, and rightly so, but I would give the game ball to the lone senior on this squad (how good does that sound right about now?), Chaz Little. Little was HUGE down the stretch, scored six straight points when shit was getting iffy around the two and a half minute mark by hitting a few of his patented runners to keep the game out of reach. White girls of the Twin Cities...beware. However, please be advised--Chaz deserves to be serviced.

• Speaking of Kountry Chris, I got a text that said, "You said to watch Wright. I'm watching and all he can do is dunk." (I got KC marked down for 6 dunks against the Mounties) This would be the equivalent of saying all Picasso did was paint, that all Shakespeare did was write, and that all Corey Haim did was act. While certainly the preceding statements are true, it is still an affront to their both their accomplishments and legacy. I have been on record as saying Wright is little more than a freakish athlete in baggy shorts and a XXXL jockstrap, and I stand by that. But when other teams sleep on him, like I think WVU did today, he has the ability to make mere mortals look silly. Be honest, when Wright hit that three near the end of the first half you knew Dayton had more than a puncher's chance in this one, didn't you? You're fucking right you did. I'm not going to look it up, but I bet UD is undefeated in games in which Kountry Chris hit a long-ranger. Ruoff picking up his fourth foul with 18 minutes to go didn't hurt either.
  

• During the broadcast Gus Johnson recounted a story about Chris' mom. Apparently, she texts a spiritual message to BG and the coaching staff everyday at like 6 in the morning. Luckily, Gregory is usually just rolling home from a party that would make the shit going on in Eyes Wide Shut look down right pedestrian, so the text doesn't wake him from a pain-killer induced slumber like the rest of us. Still, if you were BG wouldn't you take Wright aside and politely advise him to tell his mom to cut that shit out? I guess when you have a player who spends half the game with his sack above eye level you don't ask questions. That's one thing I learned during my one long night in prison--when there are a pair of nuts at eye level, remain quiet and alert at all times. The other thing I learned? Prison guards respond to screams with laughter. Boisterous laughter.
  

• Haven't said much lately about London Warren's play recently, so here it is. The Jet has been fantasmic. Can't ask the kid for much more than his performance today. 9 assists in 25 minutes for the junior point guard. Didn't look that great defending Bryant, but the Truck is going to be one of those special ones--so it's excused. If London can continue this form the Flyers may have a few more gallons left in the tank.
  

• Couldn't help but notice that Luke Fabrizius played as much as I did. One, I commend Brian Gregory for realizing that the key to beating a team like WVU is with non-stop hands-in-pants defense, not through rolling the dice and hoping a 35% three-point shooter hits a bushel of threes to keep us in the game. If I'm Mr. Fabrizius, what's going through my mind right now? First, I'm probably wondering why I couldn't get a sniff of the court today. Is my defense that bad? (Yes.) Then, I'm thinking--what does this mean for my long-term future when I'm not even an option in Dayton's biggest games? (No clue, but it probably ain't good.) Lastly, does anyone on the bench realize how fucking high I am? I dressed out in our light blue throwbacks for christsakes.
  

• What are you going to say about UD's defense that hasn't been said already? West Virginia never looked comfortable against the young Afro-American men in red and blue. Ruoff was frustrated on both ends of the floor. Butler was never able to get a good look, instead he opted to throw prayers from 21 feet--going 0-6 in the process. Wellington Smith played like a hedge fund manager who did too many rails before a pickup game. Only future lottery pick Devin Ebanks showed the Minneapolis crowd why WVU was there in the first place. 36% from the floor, 25% from three. Those type of numbers are basically begging Dayton to eat your lunch.
  

• Although Marcus Johnson didn't have his best game today, his two early threes gave UD some breathing room and helped build some confidence early on. He was relaxed when the rest of the squad looked too amped early on.

• Wright - 34 minutes, Little - 31 minutes, Marcus Johnson - 36 minutes. Look for the Big Three to play as much, if not more, Sunday against KU. Gregory and his staff obviously took a big picture look at the team and decided to go 10 deep and maximize their talent. For those of us who were never quite on board with Gregory's substitution patterns, hopefully this is how we play the rest of the way.
  

It's been almost 20 years since UD has won a NCAA tournament game, so let's savor the flavor while it's still fresh. Everyone gather around and take a knee while I tell you a little secret. Looking at the bracket last Sunday night, I kept looking down the road playing the "what if" game. As in, what if the Flyers were able to get past West Virginia? Folks, they call me Blackburn the Buzzkill for a reason. I didn't think UD had this type of game left in them. However, if they did get past Huggins and Co. I liked what I saw down the road.

I really like UD's chances against Kansas in the second round. The Flyers match up much better with the Jayhawks than they did against West Virginia. Outside of Sherron Collins and the Mongloid in the middle, KU offers little in the way of offensive firepower. I'm as pragmatic as you can get, so I offer the following with considerable pause: Dayton matches up even better against Michigan State. Don't look at me like I just shit in your hat, I'm just sayin'. The lesson we have learned this year is to never count this team out. Just when you think they are teetering on the brink of oblivion, they pull out a performance like this afternoon against WVU. Best part? Dayton has fuck all to lose at this point. Kansas awaits, Sunday 2:30 p.m.

Recon: West Virginia University

I'm a huge fan of conference tournaments. Some argue that they take away from the importance of the regular season, that you risk including undeserving teams (your Mississippi States and Cleveland States), that you take away spots from programs that seemingly earned it all year (your St. Mary's, and Creightons), and that you gamble with the prospect of injuries. My view is simple, long , disjointed and poorly written:

• If you are one of those bed-wetting socialists who believe that the NCAA Tournament should be expanded to include every team, conference tournaments are for you. Think about it. Let's say you are UNC-Greensboro. Your record at the end of the regular season is 5-25. The Spartans have the same opportunity, in theory of course (I can't stress that enough), as Louisville to cut down the nets in Detroit. Follow me blindly on this one. Once UNCG enters the Southern Conference tournament, they are 10 games away from the National Title (granted a team like Louisville is only 6 games away). Win four games in the SoCon tourney, the Spartans are in the Field of 65. So, in a sense, every team in the traditionally one-bid conferences ARE in the tournament. They just have to play an entire regional to get to the big boy tournament. (UNCG is simply playing in the "SoCon regional," if that makes sense)
  

• The conference tournaments give teams one more chance to prove their worth. As Dayton fans, I think we can all agree that the win over Richmond solidified our place in the tournament field. Albeit precariously. The argument can be made, probably correctly, that Dayton would have been in the Dance if there wasn't a conference tournament at all. Furthermore, our loss to the Dukes, compounded with some conference tourney upsets, put us on the brink of expulsion. However, that's not the point. UD had a chance to improve its seed, possibly move up a line or two on the selection committee's board and place itself in a better position than they are in now. Bottom line, Elvis Aaron Presley (and Bachman Turner Overdrive to a much lesser degree) would have been bitterly disappointed, as the Flyers didn't take care of business. It's post-season basketball. Either put or shut up. In the end, Dayton probably did more harm than good in Atlantic City, but that's what March is all about. It's a weeding out process--you can't hide in the comfy confines of your home arena anymore.

• Finally, and most importantly, the conference tournaments give you something to follow, and possibly wager on, during working hours. I cannot stress how important this is. Last year, I found myself at a conference across from Madison Square Garden during the Big East Tournament. I could literally smell the stale piss and hobo excrement wafting into the hotel's ballroom from Penn Station. These were scents that ordinarily would have only titillated your average god-fearing Asian man. However, faced with the choice of listening to some blue-blood discussing legal ethics or walking across the street to watch Joe Alexander put his clammy balls in some poor, unsuspecting defender's face--MSG was screaming at me, calling my name. Ironically enough, I bought three session tickets from some West Virginia fans and enjoyed myself immensely. I sat with those three Mountaineer fans all day Thursday and Friday, in a sweaty suit, and drank enough beer to sexually-transmit fetal alcohol syndrome. If it wasn't for the Big East tournament, I would have spent two days sitting in a hotel conference room wondering how I was going to sneak a video camera into yet another women's bathroom.
  

Is there a point to this? Yes, but if you ask any of my ex-girlfriends you would know I like to take things slow. Awkward and slow, while constantly referencing an anatomy textbook. Each year I go out of my way to watch both the ACC and Big East Tournaments. To me, these are the only two tournaments that are worth a trip from the IT department. The ACC has the tradition and the pageantry that all the other conference tournaments seem to be missing. The Big East routinely provides the most excitement and has the most compelling players, coaches and story lines year in and year out.

I watched both tournaments this year with Dayton in the back of my mind. Figuring UD was more than likely headed for a #10/#11 seed, I focused on the mid-level teams from these conference tournaments. Using my god-given mental gifts, I deduced that the U of D could end up facing Clemson, Florida State, Boston College or West Virginia in the first round. Out of those four teams, I felt that WVU would give the Flyers the most trouble. So when the Mountaineers popped up on the screen, I held my breath and hoped that Dayton wouldn't be the name right below them. Sure enough, UD was the next team to be revealed and my night was officially ruined. Actually, listening to Hubert Davis' constant fake laugh ruined my night, but that is neither here nor there.

So with that said, let's take a quick, uneducated look at West, By God, Virginia...

Right up front, you have Bobby Huggins. I love Bob Huggins. I love his suits, his hair and his overwhelming surliness. People are constantly bemoaning the fact that Huggy's players don't graduate. That's a great argument if you can also tell me what Marcus Johnson is majoring in, and what that has to do with basketball, but really it has no place in measuring how good of a coach Huggins is. Some point to the fact that Huggins' recruiting tactics are less than admirable. As fans of a program that has been placed on probation, I really don't think we can afford to throw stones. So, you dig through the muck that people try to throw at Huggins and realize this: the guy is a great coach. Huggins took a Cincinnati program that was mired in the sea of mediocrity, longing for its glory days (sound familiar?), and put it back on the national stage by winning 75% of his games with the Bearcats. His stint at Kansas State, although short, was successful as Huggins was able to bring in recruits that would have never considered Manhattan, Kansas before his arrival. Returning back to his alma mater last year, Huggins led the Mountaineers to the Sweet 16--before losing an overtime classic to his former rivals in Cincinnati. This year, WVU was projected to finish ninth in the Big East and ended up getting an opening-round bye in the conference tourney before bowing out in overtime to Syracuse. Long story short, the guy can out-dress you before the game, out-coach you during the game, and out-drink you after the game.

A favorite Mountaineer player? Funny you should ask, as I actually do have one. It's Cam Thoroughman, sophomore forward from Portsmouth, Ohio. Although Thoroughman is merely a role-player for the Mounties, a stereotypical blue-collar rustic, he proved his mettle (to me at least) with his actions against Duke in the second round of last year's tournament. First, and foremost, there was a play at the end of the Duke game that brought me an unlimited amount of joy. Watch as Gerald Henderson, he of the infamous cheap shot on Tyler Hansborough, delivers a sneaky shiver to the back of Thoroughman late in the contest. Cam responds in the only way a brick shithouse from rural Ohio knows how:

Kudos, Cam. I must have watched that clip twenty times last season--it was the highlight of the tournament for me. Now most of us would have went back to the hotel, ordered up some cheese steaks, looked at a few back issues of Honcho, rubbed one out and took a nap. Not Cam. He wasn't done by a long shot. What he said after the Duke game leads me to believe that Mr. Thoroughman was somehow acting as a subconscious conduit, a proxy if you will, between myself and the media covering the game:

When told that the Mountaineers had just beaten a team with eight McDonald’s all-Americans, Alexander seemed startled. He arched his eyebrows and asked in a serious tone, “Who?” As a reporter was leaving, the reserve Cam Thoroughman asked if Duke point guard Greg Paulus was one of the eight McDonald’s all-Americans. When told yes, Thoroughman said: “Oh my God. Are you kidding?”

Cam, if I didn't think I would enjoy it so much I would kiss you right on the mouth. You accomplished more in that day than I will in my whole life. I wish I was being sarcastic...

Though he is my personal savior, Thoroughman isn't a starter and will probably not factor heavily in the proceedings on Friday unless there is ass to be kicked or cows to be milked. Da'Sean Butler, however, is the textbook definition of a starter. A mighty fine one at that. Butler leads the Mountaineers in scoring (17 ppg) and is second on the team in rebounding (6 rpg). You can guaran-fuckin'-tee that Butler will take 15-20 shots against the Flyers, regardless of whether he is feeling it or not. He is the Mountaineers' first option, a streaky outside shooter who can take it to the hole when the jumper isn't falling. From the handful of WVU games I saw this year, Butler was clearly the team's catalyst. If he struggles, the team struggles. Butler, a 6'7" forward will likely be matched up with Kountry Chris. I hope Chris takes notes, because it would be nice if he could develop into even half the player that Butler is.

The rest of the starting front court features Devin Ebanks and Wellington Smith. Ebanks, a huge recruit coming out of high-school, was headed to Indiana before Kelvin Sampson ran out of calling cards. Huggins, ever the opportunist, snatched Ebanks from the clutches of several other Big East schools when Sampson was summarily shitcanned by IU. Although he started slowly, Ebanks has really come on since the beginning of February, averaging a double-double in that period. At only 6'9", he is West Virginia's tallest player that gets major minutes (I would say that this gives UD an advantage in the middle, but....you already know that story). To put it succinctly, Ebanks is a rising star who will one day buy his mom a really nice house in a neighborhood full of white folks. Sure, the new house is big, in a nice, safe neighborhood and quiet--but where is she going to buy her hair products? The other starter up front is Wellington Smith. Smith, a 6'7" junior from Summit, NJ, is a role player known more for his defensive abilities than his offensive arsenal. There is no way that a tall black kid named Wellington in a white-flight suburb like Summit was an outcast, right?

The Mountaineer back court took a major hit when starting point-guard Joe Mazzulla was lost for the season after WVU's seventh game as he opted for surgery on a pre-existing shoulder injury. Mazzulla was the prototypical "pass first" point who was also the team's leader. Mazzulla ran into a little off-season trouble when he and a teammate were arrested at Pittsburgh's PNC Park for underage drankin' and scufflin' with cops. Who was the teammate arrested along with Mazzulla (like you really need to ask?). None other than living legend Cam Thoroughman. Please read, and educate yourself with the following:

Thoroughman said he did not have ID, according to the report. Police said he lied about his age and threatened a security guard. Police said officers brought Thoroughman to the ground when he refused to put his arms behind his back. While Thoroughman was struggling with the officer, Mazzulla tried to grab his teammate and punched a police sergeant.

Lessons to be gleaned from this incident? Go ahead and file these in your mental Rolodex under "6 More Rules to Survive Life":

1. Under no circumstance does Cam Thoroughman have to show identification. Although he technically resides in Morgantown, West Virginia, Thoroughman is the only person in America recognized as his own country by the federal government. Demanding identification is essentially a declaration of war.
   
2. If you anticipate asking Thoroughman a direct question, realize that you will be threatened.
   
3. If you do plan on tangling with Cam, be prepared to be taken to the ground. Quickly and without warning. Like a bear in the wild, Thoroughman will instinctively bring his prey to the ground, incapacitate it and have his way with the corpse.
   
4. Do not offend Cam by making direct eye contact. The only exception to this rule is if you are a stripper in an "anything goes" strip club (the kind your father goes to when he is on a business trip. Don't worry, he still loves your Mom.)
   
5. Any instruction given to Thoroughman will immediately be refused and ignored. This includes orders to stay out of plane cockpits, demands not to defecate wherever he pleases and the word "No."
   
6. If you happen to walk in on Thoroughman making hard, vicious love to your wife/girlfriend (which you are bound to at some point)--quickly hide and take notes, you might learn something. Refer to rules 1-5 for your safety.
   

A promising freshman rose from the ashes of Mazzulla. His name? Darryl "Truck" Bryant. His game? Stylin' and profilin', dropping fuck dust in his wake. Bryant was yet another huge recruit for Huggins out of the New York City area. Like most freshman point guards, Bryant has experienced his fair share of growing pains. Bryant routinely followed double digit scoring efforts with games that would make London Warren cringe. Junior shooting guard Alex Ruoff has taken over the role as "that white guy" for West Virginia. Passed down from Joe Alexander (who inherited the role from Kevin Pittsnogle, who received the title from Mike Gansey, etc.) Like most basketball-playing Caucasoids under 6'10", Ruoff can shoot. He will more than likely play the whole game, as he is WVU's most consistent player and has a high "basketball IQ." (I don't know if that's true, I just wanted to say "high basketball IQ")

West Virginia is not a deep team. Besides the aforementioned Thoroughman, only fellow forwards Kevin Jones and John Flowers play substantial minutes off the bench. Which isn't to say that the WVU trio does not provide any production. In addition to having three bangers to throw at unsuspecting opponents, Thoroughman, Jones and Flowers combine to get the Mountaineers around 13 points and and 11 boards a game. They are the equivalent of one Ryan Perryman. I hope it felt as good to see that name as it was to type it.

Let's take a passing glance at how the numbers stack up:

	PPG	FG%	FT%	3P%	RPG	ORPG	DRPG	APG	TPG	SPG	BPG	FPG
Dayton	67.5	42.8	64.5	33.1	41.0	13.8	24.2	14.1	13.8	6.3	3.5	19.0
West Virginia	72.4	43.0	69.6	33.1	42.0	15.2	23.1	15.3	12.0	6.8	4.6	18.8
UD Opponents	61.5	39.6	70.1	31.7	35.8	10.2	22.5	11.8	14.8	5.0	3.6	18.3
WVU Opponents	61.6	41.9	68.5	30.0	36.1	10.6	21.9	11.3	15.6	6.2	3.5	18.8

These teams are damn near mirror images of themselves. Granted, West Virginia played in the nation's toughest conference, whereas Dayton was able to get fat on a much weaker schedule, but...still. West Virginia is battle tested. In addition to a rigorous Big East slate, WVU played Iowa, Kentucky, Ohio State, Davidson, Miami, Duquesne and Cleveland State in its out-of-conference schedule. Like most Huggins teams, the Mountaineers are a stingy bunch. As a sporadically effective offensive squad, West Virginia relies on its defense to win games. However, with only a few minor exceptions, the Moutaineers lose if they don't score over 70 points. Dayton has not faced a defense this physical all season, and it will be vital for the Flyers to respond in kind. The key to this game will be whether Dayton's defense can keep the game close enough for the Flyers to have a shot at the end. If Ruoff and Butler are scoring in bunches, it will be a long afternoon in the Metrodome for the young black men in red and blue.

Prediction: Doesn't matter, I'm always wrong. Vegas has "us" as a 9 point underdog against the Mountaineers. That feels about right. My thinking on this game is that there are two, and only two, possible outcomes. One, UD gets blown off the court from the jump and WVU never looks back. Huggins begins to openly drink Crown Royal from a dixiecup midway through the second half, and Hendrick, Foxxx and Brad Mac are on the court when the clock hits triple zeros. The second outcome would involve an absolute mockery of modern basketball. Both defenses place the opposition's offense in a chokehold until the last five minutes of the game. UD makes one less mistake than West Virginia down the stretch and escapes the Dome with the upset. Gregg Doyel rejoices as he is respected for the first time in his life. Either way, this game is supposed to be a reward for a successful season--so enjoy it, as they are few and far between in the Gem City.

ONE HITTERS...

Am I a bad fan or just a bad man? I've been thinking about this, and perhaps I am not as die-hard as I thought. You could offer me a first-class plane ticket to Minneapolis, a suite at a four-star hotel, front row tickets to Friday's game against West Virginia, and I would still turn you down. For as long as I can remember, I have watched literally every second of NCAA Tournament coverage. I have bought TV packages, paid covers at sports bars and even purchased the March Madness on Demand app for the iPhone this week like an idiot. I have an unhealthy fixation on this tournament and being in one place, with the ability to only watch four games unfolding in my presence, would bring on an obscene amount of anxiety. If I was in Minneapolis, I would feel like I was missing out on things. I would constantly be checking my phone, wandering out to the Metrodome's concourse to catch coverage on television and calling people for updates. Plus, if Dayton loses on Friday afternoon, that's a long flight back. First-class or coach.

Whipping Boy 2.0 Is it just me, or is ESPN's attempt to turn Digger Phelps into college basketball's version of Lee Corso failing horribly? Each bit and commercial Phelps is involved with seems forced and contrived.

Food for Thought, Whatever That Means. Resist the temptation to put UD in the Elite Eight. There are 11 teams in the NCAA Tournament that averaged less than 68 points. There are 13 teams in the field of 65 who have a losing road record. There is only one team that averaged less than 68 points a game AND had a losing road record. Take a guess...

Brian Gregory, You Disgust Me. Add Brian Gregory to the list of limp-wristed pussies that want to expand the tournament to 128 teams. Here is the thing, it makes perfect sense for a coach to be in favor of expanding the field. For the most part, making the tournament is the main measuring stick of coaching success. The easier it is to make the tournament, the easier it will be to be considered a success and sign ridiculous contracts (It would also make it easier for schools to get their sticky fingers on that tourney cash). We have already seen how watered down expansion has made the college football bowl season, why would we want to do that to the best event in sports? Do you really think that after this weekend we are going to be sitting around saying how much better the tournament would have been with St. Mary's and Penn State in the field? Let's just give all 320+ division one college basketball teams ribbons that say "Participant" on them and be done with it. Let's not get confused, the NABC is essentially a union. Coaches are looking out for what's best for coaches, not what's best for the game. Lastly, I wonder how Gregory felt about this before his team won 26 games and was almost left out of the tournament.