Expectations for this weekend at UD were not too high because there were supposedly many students heading out of town. Some were leaving for home, while others were in pursuit of Halloween craziness and public sexual activity at Ohio University. Despite the rumors of a quiet weekend, Dayton students were still able to take down cases of Natty light faster than Yancy Gates took down Kenny Frease.
[quote_box_left]The Domino’s deliveryman was not the only person serving the sausage this weekend.[/quote_box_left]This weekend was a showcase for a serious freshman epidemic: Exit sign destruction. After a long night of destroying brain cells, the glowing red signs seem to taunt the freshmen like the cape of a bullfighter. Usually an exit sign is taken down with a right hook, but in one instance this weekend a freshman reportedly took down an exit sign with his face. With the headbutting power of Zinedine Zindane the exit sign was destroyed.
On Saturday, tragedy struck. At one party the main structure of a house fell. That’s right, the installed stripper pole was broken. The party was able to overcome this loss and keep up the fast pace of alcohol consumption.
Next we have three freshman activities that we will assume were fueled by the poison mix of liquids referred to as jungle juice. The first two activities took place within minutes of each other. A drunken freshman girl was spotted twerking on a bush as if she was in a Juicy J music video. No, you did not read that wrong. A girl was dancing with a bush. Minutes later a freshman male was seen puking in the Frericks Center parking lot. Hopefully the acidic puddle of alcohol and other things does not hurt basketball recruiting efforts. The finale of freshman activity this weekend might as well be an ESPN Instant Classic. A freshman girl and an older male reportedly had sex in a university residence hall stairwell. That explains wearing a skirt in 30° weather. The Domino’s deliveryman was not the only person serving the sausage this weekend.
Stay Drunk. Stay Stupid.