The state of our union is in disarray, the only way to get healthy is through the use of leeches or playing Fordham. The Rams are once against one of the youngest teams in the nation with four freshmen, two redshirt freshmen and five sophomores on the roster. The freshmen and sophomore on this year’s Fordham squad have played approximately 70% of the Rams’ available minutes. Young and talentless is a tough way to earn your stripes, unless you are hot (Miley Cyrus) or have famous, rich parents (like those asexual things Will Smith calls his children).
Let’s be honest, no one wants to talk about Fordham basketball, they are the anal skin tags of the A10. So, I want to shift our focus to something more important than even mid-major basketball: boobs. Gerber servers. Midget Earmuffs. Satan’s Love Pillows. Whatever term you prefer, they are finally back in fashion. Especially on the Interwebz, apparently.
The “boobment” (wink-wink, nudge-nudge) gained traction sometime last week and has quickly set the country ablaze. Comely co-eds are readily snapping shots of their breasts while wearing a t-shirt bearing the name of their preferred university, submitting them in a show of support (I don’t get it either). The trend can trace its origins back to where most of our nation’s freshest and latest fads occur — Kansas.
From the Huffington Post, which appears to be a website solely dedicated to white people expressing their outrage over being white:
In yet another bizarre college student mini-trend (Milking!), female students at schools across the country are showing off their cleavage their school pride. Maybe now their athletic teams will win.
It all started in Kansas. A University of Kansas Jayhawks fan identified as Tiffany by KCTV 5 took a shot of her breasts covered by her Jayhawks shirt and added #kuboobs to her tweet hoping to “give a little boost” to a struggling team.
The online phenomenon swept across Jayhawk nation “like a Kansas gale and carried the Jayhawks to the Final Four in New Orleans.” Now the @KUBoobs Twitter account has more than 19,000 followers. More than 11,528 people like KU Boobs on Facebook and 5,540 people are talking about it on the site. There is now even @kuboobsofficial (which seems somehow less official).
It’s a full-blown #boobment.
According to the Kansas City Star, Clay Travis, a Nashville-based author with over 66,000 Twitter followers, was an early follower of @kuboobs, deeming it “genius.”
“In a matter of hours, schools with similar accounts were being re-tweeted (Florida’s @UF_Boobs) and more were being created, like Alabama (@bamaboobs), Auburn (@wardamnboobies), Arkansas (@arkboobs) and Vanderbilt (@vandyboobs),” the Star reports.
No lie: So many of these accounts were created between Monday and Wednesday. A probably creepy, and entirely inappropriate-for-the-office Twitter search yielded over 30 similar @boobs accounts at schools across the country. Even the “border ruffians” at Mizzou created an account. It’s attracted over 6,000 followers.
OK, for the record, I prefer the “milking” nomenclature better. It’s a more refined term for taking a picture of your anonymous jugs.
Which brings me to this: even in a tittie-off against Xavier, UD appears to come up short. Below are two submissions to each account and it seems clear, at least to this verified heterosexual, that the Muskies are once again edging out our dear Flyers. Take a look at the pics below, it’s all the evidence you will need.
Will UD ever come out ahead against X? Ever? This Skin Sack Showdown between the two schools seems to be a bad omen for Dayton. The Carter Curse will continue, and we have these Porky Pigs to blame.
Let’s be clear, Tom Pecora, Fordham is just a horrid basketball program. You aren’t going to change that. I’m not sure anyone could. FU has been a flaming tire fire for decades and nothing on the horizon suggests a change in direction. If and when the A10 collapses due to the incessant finagling of the Catholic Cabal, the Rams are going to find themselves scrambling like a black guy at a square dance. Fordham should reach out to the MAAC right now, return from whence you came. It’s their only hope.
Picked to finish 14th in the conference, not quite last, Pecora has actually brought about improvement in his short stay. Fordham won five games in two years before his arrival, and have won seventeen in the two years since he took the wheel. The Rams, who won just two A10 games in the three years before Pecora, earned three conference victories last season. Baby steps, people. Pecora’s contacted was recently extended to the 16-17 season, so he’s got that going for him.
Winless on the road this year, a solid 0-9, the Rams come into the Sweater Centre with a 5-13 overall record, 1-2 in conference play (and yes, this means the Flyers are currently LOOKING UP at the Rams on the conference ladder).
Here’s what the Rams do well: rebound and block shots. Here’s what they don’t do well: everything else. Fordham is dead last in the league in scoring defense and turnover margin and close to the basement in steals, field goal percentage, scoring, assists and three-pointers made per game. Tom Pecora must main-line Valium.
Dayton has won 12 of the last 13 meetings with Fordham, 16 of the last 18. UD would be wise to make it 13 of the last 14, otherwise this season will be the longest in recent memory.
Chris Gaston, God bless him, spent his entire collegiate career in the Bronx. After what seems like a decade, Gaston has come to the end of the road at Rose Hill. The senior big man, a preseason All-A10 selection, missed several games this season with an injury, but came back strong with an 18/10 effort against Duquesne and a 20/13 performance versus UMass.
Junior guard Branden Frazier leads the Rams in scoring with a respectable 16.4 points per game, fourth best in the A10. He’s also one if the league’s better assist men (is that a word?), dishing out 5.4 “dimes” a game. But there’s more, so much more. Frazier is the Rams’ fourth leading rebounder, pulling down a solid 4.4 boards per contest.
Freshman Mandell Thomas (6.0 ppg) and sophomore Bryan Smith (9.3 ppg, 3.9 rpg) join Frazier in the starting backcourt. Thomas is coming on lately, scoring a season-high 13 points against Charlotte last Wednesday. He is averaging 10.3 points per game over the past seven games. Smith is the squads best three-point shooter, leading the team with 33 treys in the season.
I don’t remember Ryan Canty at all from last season. Which seems odd since he was the lone white guy to get major minutes, but there he is — in the Rams starting lineup. He is an old-school center, using his strength and devious guile to get cheap buckets on putbacks. Canty is currently averaging 7.2 points and 7.1 rebounds per game.
The Fordham bench is manned by guards Jermaine Myers and Jeff Short, as well as forwards Ryan Rhoomes and Travion Leonard. Myers (3.7 ppg, 23.4 mpg) is a major contributor, starting 12 games this year before shifting to the pine. Short is a decent outside shooter, averaging around five points per game. Leonard gives the Rams plenty of bang for the buck, scoring six points and grabbing four rebounds a game in just 15 minutes of work. Rhoomes was previously committed to TCU and regrets his decision to come to Fordham every day of his life.
Promising sophomore Devon “Fatty” McMillan decided in December to take his talents elsewhere. The Rams won’t have Fatty to kick around anymore.
“The numbers are a catalyst that can help turn raving madmen into polite humans.”
UD has to win this one, right, gang? Gang? Wrong. But no seriously, they will. I’m pretty sure.