Sounds like things went swimmingly in Daytona for our precocious post-teens down in the Redneck Rivera. We received some semi-lucid reports from Florida and will try to post them throughout the week.
Here is a quickie about Boof and the curious, yet completely expected, peccadilloes of the Ying Yang Twins.
As I wait here at Orlando airport on the way back from D2D I thought I would take the time to write an email to you about Kavanaugh. I had the unpleasant experience of staying at the same cockroach infested hotel (hotel #3) as him. After watching this kid behave I have come to the conclusion that he really is special, and not in the good way.
Every time I saw this kid he would look lost and completely confused. He would hang out with the other jock strap holders that is our football team and try to run the pool. He would run around with a stupid-ass air horn and blow it every 30 seconds. Sometimes, when he was in the pool, he would be double-fisting but then look down at his hands and have the most confused look on his face trying to figure out how the 2 beers got there and how to drink them. After about the second day I was hoping this kid would get caught in a rip tide and carried out into the abyss.
Also, rumor has it that Ying Yang twins raped a girl or two. I was next to one when he was partying in the crowd and this guy would try to finger bang girls as they danced with him. As sad as it sounds, Timeflies was awesome. I don’t know if it was because I was 3 Lokos deep or if they were just good. Another good rumor was that Lil’ John didn’t perform at D2D because he refused to sign a waiver preventing him from telling girls to take their shirts off. Damn white poison…
We have plenty of other Tales of Daytona (although some are unfortunately too incriminating for the site). If you wish to share your own, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.