The Juice Will Always Be Loose At UD

The Juice Will Always Be Loose At UD

Just came across this clip and had to share it with you fine people. OJ, UD legend, federal employee, the only man to have ever slept on every couch in the Ghetto, captured for posterity:

I was sent a link to this OJ story a few years ago.

You take your bill and rub some poo on it. Afterwards, put your poop dollar, poo side down on the sidewalk in front of your house. Then wait for some poor schmuck to walk by. One hundred percent of people who see a dollar on the sidewalk are forced to pick it up.

Once they pick it up, everyone on the porch chants, “There’s poop on the dollar! There’s poop on the dollar! There’s poop on the dollar!”

Hundreds of times we played this game. Usually with the desired results. People freaking out, throwing the dollar and flipping us the bird. We also had multiple, close calls and accidental poop dollar grabbers, ie: girlfriends, the dean of students, our fraternity advisor, our own parents and one of the Marianist priests that lived next door.

The game could be played for days on end, with the beauty of it being you only need one dollar. No one will ever take it, except of course O.J. the UD mailman. O.J was the U.S. Postal Service mail carrier who’s route was The Ghetto. (The UD student neighborhood) O.J. was always scavenging for money and was notorious for going into your house and taking the change out from under your couch cushions. (I will cover O.J. more deeply at a later date, as he is a novella of comedy.)

One day O.J. was walking his route and as he approached our house spotted the poop dollar. He reached down, picked it up and we all started chanting, “There’s poop on the dollar!” That son of a bitch didn’t skip a beat, he folded up the dollar, put it in his wallet and told us, “You guys are fuckin idiots. I’ve got 5 kids to feed. A little poop ain’t gonna hurt nothin’.”

The value of a dollar I guess?

I once drove OJ to the Wendy’s on Edwin Moses,  where he proceeded to order three value meals. And make me pay. It was fine, I felt like Colonel Tom Parker driving around Elvis.

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Tom Blackburn is a proud U. o’ D. alum. He loses faith in humanity one day at a time, but not in you, you seem like you are all kinds of alright. Charter member of the T-Man fanclub.

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