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Five For Flying

E. 1999 Eternal


Now that the holiday’s are over, Don and I are back to give you something to read while you get paid to take a 20 minute shit at work. And really, that’s all we’re shooting for. Six inches above the toilet. Ambition is the enemy of success. Barney Stinson taught me that.


1.) Matt: As always, we start with the Home Team. Watching the game on a very choppy USC feed, and poking myself with a sharp toothpick, I wondered to myself: Why can’t UD find a shooter? Since Brian Roberts graduated, UD hasn’t had a single consistent outside threat. Yeah, there have been streaky guys, but nobody you could rely on to hit an open 3 when you really need it.

jasonwilliams3I know guys like JJ Redick and Kyle Korver don’t grow on trees (if trees were vaguely effete and in touch with their emotions, they probably would). How have we gone this long without being able to find one decent (probably white) guy to be the 9th guy off the bench and just stand at the arc and hit 3’s? Is it because of the emphasis on defense? Is it because we just assume one of the really athletic but less than skilled guys we recruit will figure it out? Whatever the issue is, I hope someone figures it out soon. I think Dyshawn Pierre might turn into that player, but then again we thought Luke Fab and CJ were that guy.

Don: Right you are. Adam and I were talking about this a few weeks ago. A game commenter mentioned how teams rarely do the NBA’s “2 for 1″ deal and wondered why. The answer, as Adam and I clearly pointed out to each other, is because there really are no go-to guys in the college game. Just look at the college landscape right now and the projected top 5 for next year’s NBA. Noel, Zeller, Len, and Poythress are all big men. Only Muhammad of UCLA is considered a guard and he is 6’6” which at UD is pretty much a center. Short story, it is probably because UD is UD and can’t find a consistent player. Long story, there really aren’t too many shooters out there to begin with. And no, I don’t miss Luke Fab.


2.) Matt: Let’s talk about African-Americans and the N-Word….Or just about Django. I very much enjoyed Quentin Tarantino’s latest movie. The acting was about as good as you could hope for from such a large cast. Leo, Jaime Foxx, Christolph Waltz, and Sam Jackson were all at the top of their respective games. The smaller parts were all handled very well by some fairly well-known actors. The writing was what you would expect from QT. All in all, it was a very good movie, if not a notch below Tarantino’s best work (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Inglourious Basterds, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill, Death Proof).


On the bad side, it was a little disjointed. Maybe it’s working with a different editor for the first time in his career, maybe it was just wanting to throw in too many things, but it didn’t all flow seamlessly. The very funny Don Johnson/Jonah Hill scene felt out of place. Along with that, the movie felt a little long. Not that I was ever not interested or not entertained, but by the end, I was aware of how long it was getting. Oh yeah, one more gripe: too much dick. What did you think Don? Did you like all the dong?

Don: I always love a good dong. It’s one of the reasons that Boogie Nights is one of my favorite movies and why Wild Things is forever in my spank bank. Oh, and Roller Girl and the Neve/Denise makeout session too. I really liked Django and despite what Spike Lee will tell you, I didn’t think it was racist at all. Yes, it was quite long and apparently it was supposed to be two movies but QT at the last-minute decided to make it one. I would have loved it to be two movies with the first being the beginning part of finding the Brittle Brothers and the second one dealing with Candieland.

I thought Jamie Foxx did an outstanding job and despite what Blackburn will tell you (he hates Foxx), I can’t really think of anyone else playing that role. Will Smith? N-word pleaz! Waltz was perfect as usual and while I thought Leo’s part was a little over-acting, I still thought it was great. I have yet to see Lincoln but from what I hear, Tommy Lee Jones has the supporting actor trophy in the bag. Tough break for Waltz and Leo. Is the movie better than the movies you mentioned? Nope. I would rank Pulp #1, obviously, followed by the Kill Bills, Reservoir, this, then the Basterds. I never liked Jackie Brown as much as some and Death Proof was good cheese.


3.) Matt: During a recent musical discussion, Donoher and I tried to figure out what the best album of our youth is. Which really equates to the best album of the early to mid 90’s, since that’s the last time music was truly good. There really were a ton of albums you could go with, without being really wrong. So honorable mentions go to: 16 Stone by Bush, Life is Peachy by Korn, Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette, Astro Creep 2000 by White Zombie, and E. 1999 Eternal by Bone Thugz (best rap album ever). The winner though is Appetite for Destruction by Guns N Roses. Just an amazing album that was a great mix of all the 90’s styles of music. I think “November Rain” is in the running for greatest song ever (not by The Beatles), and it isn’t even on this album. That’s how great it is.


Don: I never got into Guns N Roses but I do love me some “November Rain.” And I am pretty sure that video, along with “Jeremy” are probably the most famous (and awesome) videos of all time. I would have to say that All Eyez on Me by 2Pac is the best rap album of all times. My friends and I listened to it on New Year’s Eve and it brought back so many memories. It is so fucking good. Some other albums to consider would be Cracked Rearview by Hootie, Dookie by Green Day, What’s the Story Morning Glory by Oasis, and Smash by Offspring. And you are correct on music being awesome back then. I am not ashamed to admit that bands like the Gin Blossoms, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Soul Asylum, and Live will always have a soft spot in my heart. Now? We have fucking Kanye, Drake, Rihanna, and Taylor Swift. Kill me.


4.) Matt: I want to get a pet peeve off my chest. I do a lot of driving for my job. About 100 miles a day. In a large box truck, usually loaded with anywhere from 500 to 2000 lbs of cargo. When the “blizzard” happened last week, I still had to work. Visibility was very low in some areas, and the roads were pretty horrible for most of my drive time. Yet, many people still felt it was OK to not turn on their headlights. People in white and silver cars no less. I almost ran over an old lady when I popped over a hill and she was doing about 15 mph in a silver car with no lights on. My truck doesn’t stop on a dime, especially going down hill. I even went as far as to flash my lights at people, and not one person turned them on. So really folks, what does it hurt to turn your damn lights on? Truck drivers need to be able to see you. We can’t slow down or maneuver as well as a normal vehicle. Respect that. And for god’s sake, do whatever you can to be safe and not be an asshole out on the road. What about you Don, what pisses you off about fellow drivers?


Don: Driving with your turn signal on for miles is pet peeve #1. Using wipers at way too fast for how little it is raining is probably #2. Driving without headlights isn’t really a pet peeve of mine because it’s stupid (and illegal). I have never lived anywhere but Ohio, so I can’t speak for other states in terms of driving (and no one brought it up in our state draft) but I would be willing to bet that Ohio drivers are one of the worst if not the worst overall. Seriously people, I know a little snow freaks you out and you don’t want to go 65 mph on the highway. But even you going 20 mph is dangerous when everyone else is going 20-30 mph faster than you. If you are that paranoid, stay off the roads. If you have to be out because of work, leave earlier than everyone else.


5.) Matt: Lastly, with the NFL season coming to a close, let’s rate how the season went for our favorite teams. I am a Browns fan, so this time of the year is annually spent looking forward to the draft, and lamenting how bad of a season we just had. This year is a little different. The upcoming draft class is horrid, and doesn’t feature a stud at either of our biggest needs (CB and WR). But most surprisingly, the season wasn’t a total disaster. The 5-11 record doesn’t look great, but they really only had 3 bad losses, to Washington, at Denver, and the Giants. They were competitive in every other game. We should have beaten the Eagles in the opener, and the home game vs the Ravens was a classic example of a coach giving away a game. It’s never a bad thing when you’re very young and inexperienced team loses some close games. Happened to the Redskins and Seahawks last year. I don’t think Branden Weeden is the answer, and we still need some pieces, but the young core of this team is developing into a foundation to be built on. With the right coach (probably not Chip Kelly), and some better QB play, this could easily be a 9-7 team next year. Overall, I would give the season a B-, with some solid hope for the future (because Browns fans never say that). How about your team Don? Did the Bengals finally not crush your soul this year?

Wild Card Playoffs - Cincinnati Bengals v Houston TexansDon: The Bengals made me hate them week 1 (destroyed by the Ravens), then made me love them (3 game winning streak), made me loathe them (4 game losing streak), and then made me love them again (winning 7 out of 8). At the beginning of the year, this team just oozed 8-8, 9-7. In reality, they probably should have been 9-7 because a Baltimore team that tries is better than a Bengals team this year. However, like you said about the Browns, the Bengals were only out of 1 game and that was the first game of the season. Looking back, they could have been 12-4, 11-5. Losing to the Dolphins, Browns (no offense), and the Cowboys were brutal. What could have been a home playoff game is now a road game vs the reeling Texans. The Bengals d-line is one of the best in football and could help them win 1 or 2 games in the playoffs. However, their offense is struggling right now and I am prepping myself for another letdown on Saturday. Texans: 24 Bengals: 10. Dalton will throw a crushing pick 6 in the 4th quarter. Mark it.


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