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Five For Flying

Rashida Jones Edition


We’re back here for another Five For Flying a little later this week, because sometimes life kicks you straight in sack, like Kathy Ireland nailing a 50 yard field goal. Only I’m slightly less turned on right now. And nobody is Samoan. Well, maybe they are. You wouldn’t know either way. Yeah, I’m Samoan. And a chick. Wanna be my boyfriend?

1.) Matt: Well folks, if any of you still had dreams of an at-large, I think we can put those hopes away until next year. There isn’t any shame in losing a game at La Salle (unless you turn the ball over 24 times) as it’s a tough place to play, for some reason. La Salle has a decent enough squad this year. The problem lies in starting 0-3 in conference play. You have to expect this team isn’t going to win 10 of the next 13, which is probably what it would need to be in the at-large conversation. They continue to turn the ball over in horrendous ways, Benson can’t stop being a turnstile and Dillard won’t stop being bi-polar on offense. Hopefully we will see some progress between now and the end of the season. We can always hope that VCU and Butler coast during the conference tourney, and we can sneak in the back door. Hope!

Dddn021713udbball01on: I can’t imagine a double loss Dayton team getting an at-large bid when they don’t have any impressive wins. The losses to Weber State and La Salle are going to be brutal to come back from. I would like to think that the best way to ail an 0-3 start is to play shitty teams in Fordham and Duquesne, but that will only make it hurt more when the Jimmy Carter Curse comes to kick us in the teeth again this year. To take a line from the late, great Jack Nicholson (he’s not dead? keep going? OK ), maybe “this is as good as it gets.” (Blackburn note: That’s just fucking horrible, I’m sickened) Maybe this is where Dayton will always be, a mid-major who in 5 years, goes to 2 NCAA tournaments, 2 NITs, and 1 CBI/CYO holiday tournament. Perhaps I am trying to be more positive and looking at the bright side by looking at Dayton for who they are and who they always will be. Ah fuck it. I hate this team.

2.) Matt: I’m sitting here, hungry as hell, so let’s talk about food. Wings are the kind of hard-hitting, divisive subjects our readers crave here at Five for Flying. I prefer my wings to be medium-sized because when you get the giant ones, they are filled with little balls of cartilage and bone spurs, on account of the chickens being brutally murdered at the wrong age (Blackburn note: Can we verify this? Seems like something PETA made up). Breading-wise, I like a nice, crispy layer of lightly seasoned flour. Too much breading and the wings are completely greasy, and inedible as leftovers. Not enough breading and the wing won’t hold the sauce.

231846chris-farley-postersFricker’s (and I assume Roosters, as it’s an offshoot of Fricker’s) uses something like 58 pounds of flower per wing, so all you taste is grease and charred flour. Naked wings just look weird to eat, but can be perfectly fine when coated with a thicker sauce. And really, that is the most important part: the sauce. This is important: ALL wing sauces should be spicy. Not flaming hot, but at least a little warm on your mouth. Even simple barbecue wings can easily be made to have a little heat. I would make you a list of the best wing sauces, but it would be easier to just stick in a photo of the menu from Quaker Steak and Lube. I know your wing game is weak Donoher, but what kind of bird arms do you prefer?

Don: Quaker Steak has delicious wings. I also love Bdub’s. Here in Columbus, or maybe it’s a national thing, Wings and Rings wings are also great. I dislike Roosters with a passion. Our resident lovable buddy Adam LOVES him some Roosters. But lets all say what Roosters really is…a homeless man’s Bdub’s. Don’t even get me started on Hooters wings as they are disgusting and should never be eaten. As for sauces, you are dead on with comment about them being hot. ALL wings should be hot. I am not talking burn your mouth off hot (see: Blazing sauce at Bdub’s) but they should make your nose run a little. Hot BBQ at Bdub’s is also another great sauce. While we are on this subject, I hate when people dip their wings in ranch dressing. What the hell are you doing that for? Ranch is for your celery only (Blackburn note: he didn’t say anything about Blue Cheese). Great, now you made me hungry. And hateful.

3.) Matt: It’s the time of year when it starts to become pretty obvious which TV shows won’t be returning for another season. Unfortunately, this year we are probably going to be losing the 3 best comedies on network TV (maybe the only good live action comedies on network, too) Parks & Rec, Community, and Happy Endings. I can say without a doubt that Parks & Rec is the best network comedy since early How I Met Your Mother, and a series whole (excluding the 6 episode “first” season) since Seinfeld. The 3rd season was a perfect season. Not a single bad episode. It’s the only real reason to watch NBC anymore.

Soon, we will have Community back, too. This is a favorite show of mine. I enjoy the fact that it is different and niche. I like how each week you have no idea what kind of episode you’re gonna get. It’s what makes it fun to watch. But NBC, according to the guy who runs the network, doesn’t want shows like that anymore, no matter how much critics and hardcore fans enjoy them. But if you keep taking swings with broad comedies you think will have mass appeal, which they do, and keep missing (which they also do) then why not go with the shows that will get your network a core audience?

Isn’t a guaranteed mediocre rating each week better than constantly changing lineups of crappy shows that no one is watching? Seinfeld didn’t have mass appeal until its 3rd or 4th season. Seinfeld! But hey, the 1500 or so households in this country with Nielsen boxes should totally get the power to decide what stays on TV. Why can’t we just incorporate the ratings systems into digital cable boxes and DVR (hint: because it’s progress and America)? It’s not like we don’t all know the system is completely flawed and, at times, blatantly wrong. What say you Donoher, how do you feel about losing two of your favorite shows?


Don: I haven’t watched enough Community in recent years to talk about it on here. This could also be why it is probably being canceled. However, Parks & Rec and Happy Endings are the two funniest shows on network TV right now. (Blackburn note: anyone else think that Parks & Rec is completely overrated?)  What makes both of these shows so damn good are how perfect the casts interacts. Happy Endings is like Friends, only funnier and more relatable. The couples on the shows (Leslie and Ben; Jane and Brad) are perfectly suited and make me laugh out loud every week. I can’t think of better TV couples outside of Homer and Marge and Cliff and Claire. Throw in the other main characters and you have comedy gold. How can you not laugh at anything Ron Swanson says or anything that Max does to Penny? Ron Swanson talking to me about his Pyramid of Greatness while Max tries to convince me to buy a “Triscuit” just kills me. Oh, and don’t forget about hot girls. Yes, Rashida Jones is hot. That reminds me, should we bring back the classic “Hot or Not” in this section again? Yes, we are going to do that. Commenters…Rashida Jones…hot or not??? We don’t need to ask about Elisha Cuthbert, she is fucking amazing (Blackburn note: I’m nodding vigorously). Anyway, Both of these shows have hardcore fans, the critics love both of them, and yet no one watches them. I…just…don’t…get…it! Do we really need more seasons of CSI/NCIS/Two and a Half Men/Survivor. Actually, you know what? FUCK YOU CBS!!!

4.) Matt: So, music. That’s a thing people like to be critical about. It got me to thinking, which current band do you feel is most beyond reproach? For me, I have to go with Mumford and Sons. I know that their folk music style isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, but to those of us who do enjoy it, they are as good as it gets. I prefer the more acoustic  sometimes darker sounds of their first album. The second album has a more electric and faster sound, but is still so good from beginning to end it’s hard to turn it on and not listen to the entire thing. And before anybody feels the need to call me a hipster in the comments for liking M&S: just because a band is enjoyed by mostly hipsters, does not make every fan a hipster. Believe me, I went to see them play in Columbus and stuck out like a sore thumb. How about you Donoher? Which sad, androgynous, self-harm inducing band are you going to choose?

bestcoastDon: I should say Dave Matthews Band and watch the hate mail come in. I do enjoy some Mumford and Sons but I wouldn’t say they are the best out there. They are pretty damn good but I do hate how everyone and their mother is trying to shove it down our throats. Mainly, it’s just hipsters trying to do that. Don’t worry, they won’t like them next year. This is going to sound a little crazy, but I am going to go with The Killers. Their new album, “Battle Born” is nothing short of fantastic. Brandon Flowers is picking up where Freddie Mercury left off, rocking a mustache (sometimes) and rocking out the high and tight look. If you ever get a chance to see The Killers live, do it. Brandon is a fucking showman. As far as other bands that are up there at the top of their game, I can not not say Radiohead. They will always be on my list. Yes, DMB is up there as they are doing (and have been for 20+ years) what not many can do…sell albums AND concert tickets. The Foo Fighters are up there but sadly have recently “taken a break.” I’ll write in for Blackburn: Japandroids, My Morning Jacket, The National, Avett Brothers, Wake the Giant, and Maroon 5. Blackburn LOVES him some Adam Levine (Blackburn note: I’m going through my chick phase: Cat Power, Best Coast, Beach House).

5.) Matt: Manti Te’o seems like an interesting guy. We seem to have a differing opinion on what is going on with this. I am of the opinion that this dude was in on this thing the whole time. Or at very least, most of the time. His story seems to have changed several times and contradicts what his family and his friends (Blackburn note: and Notre Dame…) say at every turn. I mean, at the very least, he is a despicable, lying, scumbag. I mean, if he knew about this at ANY point, and kept it going for the attention…that’s really, really low. But why is it so inconceivable that he and Tuiasosopo were friends before this, and he knew about this scam being run before on other people, and decided it would be really easy to use it for his own gain? That would explain the phone records just as well as him spending 12 hours on the phone at night talking to a girl who didn’t exist and who may have been in a coma/sick from chemo.

Why would he keep talking about his girlfriend’s death after learning she didn’t exist? What happened to ESPN reporting she showed up at the team hotel before the title game? What about Deadspin saying there were pictures of Te’o and Tuiasosopo on an Instagram account that was deleted? Why is he being so careful about telling his side of the story, or going through representatives? Why was all of Tuiasosopo’s early communications and admissions through anonymous friends? There are just as many reasons to believe he helped orchestrate the whole thing as there are reasons to think he was duped and just tried to keep if going for attention. But let’s hear your completely wrong thoughts on the subject.


Don: I really don’t know what to believe. I HATE Notre Dame, almost more than anything (I will never hate anything more than the Cubs), so one would think I would be jumping up and down at this story. At first, I was on your side and thinking that Te’o was this douchebag guy who tried to fool us all. But the more I read, and I know I am in the minority here, I can’t help but think he truly had no idea what was going on. He is simply a dumb, Mormon rube who thought he was in love. NORMAL people would have stopped the minute a girl said she couldn’t Skype or FaceTime. At least, I know I would. I think he truly did think she died and when she called, he was really confused. I am not sure what I would do, but I probably would think someone was fucking with me. Who knows what the fuck is going on?

He clearly lied (as he admitted today to Katie Couric) that he didn’t want to be embarrassed. I am confused on the whole her showing up at the hotel thing but I am not sure why that really matters. I doubt he invited her and Tuiasosopo out there. I just can’t believe how someone can talk on the phone with someone THAT long and not Skype. The part that gets to me is that he was dating someone a month after she died. I know that if my wife died, or “the love of my life” died, I wouldn’t be able to date for quite some time. All I know is that this story will be non-existent in a few weeks, which is a bummer because I would have LOVED to see Notre Dame fall flat on its face.

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