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Five For Flying

Baseball in January

1.) Don: Two wins in a row for the Flyers. Break out the bubbly, this team is dancing! What’s that? Fordham and Duquesne are terrible? Oh…nevermind then. The Flyers did what they were supposed to do and that is win against two shitty ass teams at home to gain some momentum into the Jimmy Carter Classic on Wednesday. I will admit that because of prior engagements (read: I didn’t give a fuck), I didn’t watch a single minute of either game (Blackburn note: I didn’t either — UD pulled the stream hours before the game. Dick move, Dayton). I’m told that Vee Sanford looked good and our former lover, Red the Cheerleader, was in attendance at one of the games. Moral of the story, Dayton needs to continue to win games like last Wednesday and this past Saturday but also needs to show they can win on the road. I’m still not liking their chances on Wednesday, but if they can go 15/21 from beyond the arc again, that would help!

Matt: Yeah, UD beat two really bad teams. Nothing much was learned or accomplished, other than some (hopefully) confidence boosting. I still stand by what I said the last week of any NCAA talk being unnecessary. I am slightly more cautiously optimistic now, though. College basketball is a fickle beast. Just when you give up on your favorite teams chances of going anywhere meaningful, they find their outside shot and roll off a six game winning streak. Of course, a loss at the Industrial Laundry Dome (Blackburn note: I think he means the Underlord’s Lair) this week would probably end all of this. So let’s do what we always do: wait and see.

2.) Don: I was driving around with a coworker the other day who asked me to pull into a gas station so she could get a soda (Blackburn note: She was no doubt convinced that you were going to drive her into the woods and rape/kill her). Curious, I asked where my coworker was from and much to my dismay, she said Cleveland. So she grew up in Ohio, didn’t live anywhere else, still lives in Ohio and yet she calls it “soda???” FUCK. THAT! You live in Ohio, it’s fucking pop. This game me an idea…if we were to take the states that call it pop vs. the states that call it soda, who would win if we developed an all-star team, using this map as a form of reference. At first it sounded like a fun idea and then after looking at the map, I realized that California calls it fucking soda. I am going to get my ass kicked! Anyway, here is my baseball all-star team:


Matt: For most of my life, I said pop. Then my dad remarried, and my step mom says soda. I picked it up. Now I say both, going back and forth. It feels weird, and I wish I could stop. I don’t really care what someone says, either, as long as they aren’t some weird-ass southerner (read: Blackburn) who calls all pop/soda “coke.” (Blackburn note: It’s true, I call it Coke). That is about what you would expect from southerners. Anywho, clearly the soda states are a force in this contest:


My bench is filled with guys like Josh Hamilton, Matt Kemp, Jose Bautista, Adrian Gonzalez, David Ortiz, Jacoby Ellsbury, Carlos Beltran, Ryan Zimmerman, Chase Headley. And that doesn’t include any Yankees, who won’t be on any team of mine. I think I win this one.

(Blackburn note: You know the season is going pretty well when there is a discussion of baseball in January.)

3.) Don: You brought up an interesting thought on CEO’s and the perks they get (Blackburn note: Huh? When? Where? What? Nice transition, Donny). I believe the question you asked was “If all salaries were the same, what CEO position would you want?” I immediately said something Google-related, to which you said, “Again, if all salaries were the same.” I guess you are right in saying there wouldn’t be too many perks about being a Google CEO besides being filthy rich. You brought up something awesome about golf companies and I am going to steal your idea. Let me be a CEO of any golf company (Callaway, Ping, Titleist, any of them). I would get to golf at ANY golf course in the world and because I am involved in golf, that would mean I would have a smoking hot wife because by rule, anyone involved in that much golf has to have a hot wife.


Matt: This one drove me nuts. Many jobs offer the opportunity to hang out with athletes and celebrities. Others offer access to things few people in the world get to see. Some are on the forefront of technological advancements. I came very close to picking Nike. But one other company seems to have access to all the criteria and that is Sony. I can lead development of next generation of video games and computers. They have a TV, film, and music division. I’m also sure the CEO of Sony gets to see things the rest of us think are just crazy conspiracies, dreamed up some dark corner of 4chan. Plus, I could keep Community and Happy Endings in production. That’s a win-win-win.

1153902_7994632_b4.) Don: For the food topic, I wanted to see what you thought was the best burger in the fast food industry. I’ll be the first to say that Five Guys is a little overrated. I also don’t really consider Five Guys to be fast food either. In and Out Burger would definitely be up there, but I also can see why people (mainly those on the west coast) think that place is overrated too. You can’t go wrong with a Big Mac (although I can’t remember the last time I had one) or a Classic Single at Wendy’s. But in my mind, a Whopper with cheese from Burger King would take the cake. It’s the closest thing to how a burger looks when I make it at home, meaning it has a lot of shit on it.

Matt: I have never had a Big Mac or a Whopper (Blackburn note: You know who else hasn’t had a Big Mac or Whopper? Those animals in Guantanamo. Let’s get this kid’s papers checked out). I don’t like lettuce, tomato, onions, or mayo. For this reason, I judge a burger by its most basic elements: quality of meat, bun, and cheese. I enjoy topping like bacon, BBQ, pickles, and other odds and ends, but my normal burger order is “plain.” I agree that 5 guys isn’t really fast food. Fast food requires a drive-through, unless it’s Chipotle or Subway. I considered going with Wendy’s Baconator or Rally’s BBQ Bacon Cheddar Burger (which I don’t think exists anymore), but in the end, I have to go with Kewpee’s double burger. Kewpee is a better version of Wendy’s (eat a dick, Dave Thomas). I think the only ones left in Ohio are in Lima. Pretty sure there are still some in Michigan too. They are the best fast food burgers on the planet. This cannot be argued. Fresh, local beef is brought in every day. The malts and pies are awesome, too.

5.) Don: Back by popular demand, Hot or Not!?! This week’s contestant: Zooey Deschanel. If I was doing this segment with Adam, he would answer a resounding “YES!” but I am doing this with you and I don’t know where you are headed. I kid, Adam loathes her. For me, I am going to say no. She reminds me of Katy Perry and I don’t think she is hot at all. I think the reason Zooey is “popular” is because she is trying to be “nerd chic” and I guess guys think that is sexy? She is a terrible singer and I don’t really think “New Girl” is that funny. I’m probably in the minority here, but Jovie from Elf is not hot. Hey Matt, is that RAAAAAAAAIN? Let’s order some tomato soup. Thoughts?


Matt: Anybody who knows me, or follows me on Twitter (@conley76), or has ever spoken to me, knows my affection for the lovely Zooey. I very much dig the cute, quirky, nervousness (Blackburn note: Even if those are fake or forced affectations?). The bangs and glasses aren’t upsetting me either. Basically, from a physical standpoint, she is very close to being my version of ideal. I am also an unabashed New Girl fan, as I believe I have addressed in this space before. It was a little rough at first, but anyone who has stuck with it can attest that it is one of the best comedies out there now (Blackburn note:  Agreed). I will not even attempt to defend her Siri commercial. That thing was awful, but it will take a lot more than that to stop our love. It burns with the heat of 1,000 suns, you guys (Blackburn note: I do respect the fact that she dumped her old man once the big checks started to roll in).


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