It was a bit of a quiet weekend here at UD, but everyone may have still been recovering from Halloween. Friday night was very quiet, but on Saturday one man was able to inspire a group of college kids to drink like Mel Gibson on Yom Kippur. This man was Jordan Sibert. His game winner set the tone for the night. As one student put it, “What the hell is IPFW? But who cares, Sibert is the truth.”
The first story is a freshman prank. Reportedly, a group of freshman guys crushed up Viagra and put it in another guy’s drink. The kid did not have an obvious raging boner all night, but instead he apparently waistbanded it. He walked around the Ghetto all night with tucked meat.
Another problem in freshmen life is being able to handle your alcohol. One particular bathroom took a beating. The entire bathroom was coated in vomit. There was vomit in the stalls, in the shower, and even on the door to the hallway. Someone projectile vomited all over the door and the handle. Come on, UD you’re better than that.
Another incident occurred that also involved vomit. There was a freshman guy who was so hammered that he literally passed out in the street. Two RAs essentially carried him back to his dorm. They ran into “his RA,” who said he would take care of writing him up. Turns out this kid was actually one of the drunk kid’s friends and not an RA. The drunken freshman proceeded to puke black vomit everywhere inside his room.
Finally, a girl was caught giving a guy a blowjob in the bathroom of a party at a house in the ghetto. The girl led the guy into the bathroom and dropped down on her knees. Obviously, the bathroom is a very popular place at the party, so it became apparent what was going on. The couple exited the bathroom eventually and continued to party. The blow and rally.
Stay Drunk. Stay Stupid.
I'm here to document the chaos of the ghetto and the rest of UD. Stay Drunk. Stay Stupid. Freshman Report