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Turkey Day Bonanza!


Gobble gobble bitches! Happy Thanksgiving, the best holiday of the year. Food, football, and fun. Christmas is overrated and too corporate. St Patrick’s Day is amateur hour. Martin Luther King Day always gets awkward. Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday.  You get to eat early (more on that later), watch football (again more later), and then eat leftovers (MORE ON THAT LATER!!!). To celebrate this holiday, Matt and I bring you a special T-giving Five for Flying edition!

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[dropcap type=”1″]1[/dropcap]Don: We always start with the Flyers. Rather than talk about the Maui Tournament, we are going to mix it up a bit and list the player on this year’s team that we are most thankful for. Also, you cannot repeat my player. Since I started the post, I get first pick. I am thankful for Dyshawn Pierre. I can’t believe I’m agreeing with Tman (that’s Blackie’s job), but Pierre is the best overall player this team has had in a long, long time. Granted Pierre has struggled with foul trouble lately and that is taking him out of some games, but he is still this team’s best player. He is shooting over 50% from the field, rebounding like a mad man, and seems to be a leader on and off the court. And to think he is only a Sophomore! I am not sure where this team would be without Pierre.  Sibert, who I assume a lot of people are thankful for, is the man right now, but Pierre is my vote for most thankful.

Matt: I know that, like you said, most people are going to pick Sibert. Maybe I want to go a different way because he and Pierre are the easy choices, but I am most thankful for Devin Oliver. He is the (mostly) unsung hero of this team. He leads the team in rebounding, assists, steals, free throw attempts, free throw shooting percentage, and has the best turnover rate on the team. He also is second on the team in points and minutes. This means he isn’t getting into foul trouble, which is important, because he is the only player on the team without a true backup. He may not be the flashiest player, and Lord knows I wish he would forget he’s allowed to shoot 3’s, but he does all the stuff that makes this team function at the high level we have seen this season.


[dropcap type=”1″]2[/dropcap]Don: FOOD!!!!!!! Thanksgiving is all about food. We have discussed Thanksgiving food to no end on this site (note: due to switching layouts and formats every two weeks, apparently we no longer have access to past posts). We can talk all day about how stuffing is the most underrated side dish, how pecan pie is disgusting or fight to the death arguing between white meat and dark meat. But what I want to talk about is what time the Conley clan eats their Thanksgiving “dinner.” Growing up, we always ate Thanksgiving around 3:00 pm. I never thought this was weird because all of my friends were the same way. It wasn’t until I ate with my wife’s parents that I learned not everyone eats dinner so early. They ate at like…7:00 pm! Sure, she is an only child, and it was only them, but I just found that so bizarre. Why do you think people eat so early? Is it so you can go to another dinner if necessary? Is it so you can watch football? Is it because it takes so long to clean up afterwards? I’ve always wondered this. Then again, maybe me and my Dayton friends are just weird and eat WAY too early?

Matt: Due to my parents being divorced, and both being remarried, and being in a serious relationship, I partake in three thanksgiving “dinners” in one day. It involves wearing loose-fitting pants and 13o miles of driving. Because of all this, my idea of when thanksgiving should start is slightly off. I remember when I was younger, and didn’t have to go through this mess, that we would eat around 1 or 2 pm. That seems right. You get up, have a light breakfast, and then at lunch time you get a feast. Take a few hours to recoup and then do it again. People who eat at 6 or 7 are the weird ones. Unless you do multiple houses, you have to eat breakfast AND lunch. That’s insane. Thanksgiving should start no later than 2 pm, unless, again, you have to plan around people going multiple places.  Also, pecan pie is amazing, and a good plate should have a nice mix of both light and dark meat.


[dropcap type=”1″]3[/dropcap]Don: FOOTBALL!!! I figure we would talk about the games on Thursday. Please note that we started writing this post on Wednesday and I hope this is up on Thursday (or before). If for some reason it gets posted on Friday, just know that we predicted these games before they were played. Anyway, here are my picks for the games with the spread.

GB @ DET — The Packers are getting 6 points. Matt Flynn is starting, so you never know what you’ll get. You NEVER know what you are going to get from the Lions. They lost to the fucking Bucs last week! Megatron could go off for 5 touchdowns or Ndamukong Suh could stomp on someone’s head and kill the momentum. Or, the refs could simply screw you. No idea on this one. I’ll take the Lions to win, but not to cover. 31-28, Detroit.

OAK @ DAL — The Raiders are getting 9.5 points. Who the hell is starting for the Raiders? That dude from Penn State? Is Pryor still hurt? Was he even hurt or did people finally realize that he isn’t good? The Cowboys are coming off a big win against the Giants on Sunday that they desperately needed to keep up with the Eagles. The Cowboys should cruise in this game but, wow, 9.5 points is a lot. Fuck it, I’ll give the points. 38-21, Dallas.

PIT @ BAL — The Steelers are getting 3 points. The loser of this game is effectively out of the AFC playoff race. The winner will be right in line for that last wild card spot and will have a breathing chance of catching the Bengals. The Steelers crushed the Browns last week while the Ravens cruised past the Jets. Giving 3 points at home is basically a push. I think these teams are the same and you and I both know that the Steelers are never dead until they are officially eliminated. And even then, you are still worried they will somehow get into the playoffs. I’ll take the points and the Steelers winning outright. 24-21 Steelers.

Matt: You know, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen an entire Thanksgiving day football game. Between family members wanting to catch up on your story, food naps and traveling, I think I’m usually happy to just get through a half.

GB @ DET — I’ll take the Matt Flynn On The Packers Magic and the points. The Lions look like something is off. Schwartz is a terrible coach, and I don’t think he “has” the team. No way a team with that front 7 and Calvin Johnson should be this shaky. Packers 27-23.

OAK @ DAL — Pryor is not a bad QB. He isn’t an elite thrower, but he IS the best running QB in the league right now. He also has one mediocre weapon on his team (Denarius Moore), so he is very much doing a lot of his damage on his own. He may never be #elite, but in a modern offense that will let him run the ball and not have to make too many reads, he will be able to play in the league for as long as his legs hold up. Anyway, I’m not betting anything on Matt Fucking McGloin. Everytime I hear his name, it makes me quote obscure lines from Gangs of New York. I’ll take Dallas 41-20.

PIT @ BAL — This Pittsburgh team pisses me off to no end. They have played a very easy schedule. The only decent teams they’ve played are New England and Detroit (who totally gave the game away in the second half).  It shouldn’t be surprising that they have gone on this run, but it is, because they suck. Seriously. Their defense is a bunch of guys who were good when they were young, which none of them now are. Their offense is basically Roethlisberger throwing it to Antonio Brown whenever some moron D Coordinator decides there is no need to double cover the Steelers only decent outside option. Seriously, fuck the Steelers. That said, the Ravens are total garbage. Steelers 27-20.


[dropcap type=”1″]4[/dropcap]Don: Everyone talks about Christmas movies, and rightfully so. There are a million of them. I don’t believe we have ever talked about Thanksgiving movies. I thought this would be a good idea until I realized I could only think of one good one. Fuck it, I’ll talk about that. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is fucking fantastic! It was on TV the other day and I forgot just how funny it is. I think Steven Martin is one of the funniest comedians alive and John Candy was always a treat to watch. Yes, I loved Uncle Buck. This scene is why I love this movie:

We have all wanted to do this and Steven Martin just perfects it. Fuck you, Mrs. Poole! I wonder why they don’t make more Thanksgiving movies. I want a fucking Thanksgiving movie and I want it right fucking now. What say you, Matt? Does Son in Law get your nod? Maybe The Ice Storm? Great great GREAT book. Terrible movie.

Matt: I feel like there has to be some other decent Thanksgiving movies. Let me google this shit….wow, is this list bare. It says Rocky and Grumpy Old Men are Thanksgiving movies, but I’m not buying that. PT&A really is the only truly great Thanksgiving movie. Son in Law is still fun, and I’ve never seen The Ice Storm.  I remember seeing PT&A when I was a kid and laughing at the pillow joke so hard I think I pissed in my Underoos. John Candy seems to get forgotten a lot when people discuss the funniest comedians/actors of all time, but he should be an easy top 10 pick. He has at least 5 all time classic movies under his expansive belt. Martin is a legend for a reason, but I don’t think I’ve enjoyed anything he has done in 20 years.  At least Candy has an excuse.


[dropcap type=”1″]5[/dropcap]Don: Hot or not! This week we’ll go with Reese Witherspoon. Is it because Election is on HBO now? Probably. One thing you should know about Reese Witherspoon, her pussy gets SO wet. Wait, what’s that?

Anyway, I’m going to go hot on this one. She looked FANTASTIC in Legally Blonde and pretty damn hot as June Carter Cash in Walk the Line. She, like Gwynie Paltrow, is annoying. And some say she has a huge ass forehead. But every time they show her on TV, or in the gossip magazines (thank you Mrs. Donoher for that US Weekly subscription), she always looks pretty damn hot. And she crushes it in yoga pants.

Matt: It’s funny that you mention Election, because, not a joke, that’s what I have on while I write this. Also, are you kidding me? Does anyone not think Reese is hot? Fear, Cruel Intentions, Walk The Line (my personal favorite iteration. Brunettes!), the 5 minutes of Sweet Home Alabama I saw once, that crappy Xmas movie she did with Vince Vaughn. She is always hot. Seems like she could be a bit crazy (especially if you rightfully arrest her husband for DUI). Maybe that’s not a bad thing.

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Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy your holiday and eat a shit ton of food. PROGRAMMING NOTE: Matt and I (along with guests!) are going to start up our “Good but bad movie” podcast. We plan on doing this once or twice a month. Feel free to give us suggestions on the Twitter to me (@5forflying), Matt (@conley76) or Blackburn (@blackburnreview). The first movie we will be discussing is the 1997 classic, Con AirBust out your old VHS and re-watch it so you know what we are babbling about.


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